Soulmates
by Reinamarie Seregon
Summary: This is officially the last fic for Tomo. I don't know how I came up with this. Very sad, so if you want to, be prep to cry. Cried along the hard chapters. I salute all professional actors who work so hard!
1. The Opening Stage

Soulmates……….. by Reinasinnax

…an opera performer famous for his talents is stricken with terminal illness again. While he fights a personal battle, he meets someone who seems distinctly familiar somehow?

**The stage**

_The lovers cry out alas!_

_And with a flourish, she falls dead, into the water._

_The main role cries out his anguish. He stabs himself._

_The final scene done, the lovers are reunited together. _

The actors and actresses rise from the floor, from their bloodshed. They all bowed solemnly, some panting slightly, some speaking with their friends, awash with the joy and stage.

One of them was a very outstanding guy, his golden crown, multi colored face and formidable height. His eyes shone as he smiled radiantly. "Thank you. We hope you'll come again." He waved back to a screaming fan. The girl saw him withdraw, bent double. Her heart stirred.

What had happened? Was his sickness relapsing? The news covered a small section on his comeback from a long illness. He'd refused to disclose its nature. His name, Hirosaki Tomo, also affectionately known as Tomo-sempai. The girl bit her lip, pushing her way to the front of the crowd, went up to the stage. A blue costume, gleaming, blocked her view. He was barring her path.

"Please, let me speak with him! Is he all right? Is Tomo-sempai all right?"

"Who are you? His relative? Sorry! No entry unless you're the crew," a bodyguard picked it up tauntingly.

"Matte, what is it?" Soft green eyes met her brown ones. Without his makeup, clothed in plain blue garb and loose white pants, Tomo-sempai looked very pale, and this wasn't just due to his Japanese origin. He was even paler than his comrades, one of whom he leaned heavily upon. Tomo winced, pressing a hand to his side. "Do you wish to have my autograph?"

Even as the man protested noisily, Tomo extended his hand. She was so excited and saddened too when they shook hands. The singer produced a black pen and signed his name and wrote well- wishes on her notebook. She was wordless. Tomo did not hurry away but smiled to give her time to talk, ignoring the bustle around him. He was simply too beautiful for busyness and bustle. The girl saw through this casualness, for he was breathing harshly and perspiration sheened his neck and hair clung to his brow.

"I…I had to come! I did not know what drove me to, but I wanted to come!" she hastily threw the words out, anything to keep him in this moment with her. "I got so worried about you. On the news….. there just hasn't been enough of an update. Are you sick?"

The singer thumbed backstage. She was incredulous- did he not need some rest? He was so brave! Her 'fan-girl' mind cooed. From his collection of feathers, he drew one out and presented it to her. "I cannot possibly…."

"Accept it. Since you admire me so much, I should give you a small token, as appreciation for your support." The girl pushed back strands of brown curls, her neck and ears bright red. Tomo-sempai was giving her a gift! She hugged the thing to herself. Hirosaki sat heavily at his dresser and closed his eyes, coughed painfully.

When she had left his companion chided him for not taking care of himself. The singer sighed, looked up at him. "Come on, I feel fine now. You shouldn't turn her away. She must have gone through a lot of effort to come. I think we shouldn't decline people. How is the new boy? I want to see him rehearse again."

"He should be fine. You know how tired you are. You're not as you used to be. We have another performance later and tomorrow too. I'll drive you back now."

"I want to do it now," Hirosaki Tomo sat straighter and said stubbornly, in a soft tone. The manager shook his head. They called him in. The new boy Futani Touga, a lanky lad with small eyes and a sweet mouth. Tomo watched him, critiquing those wrong moves. He would always end with 'practice makes it perfect'. Yeah they agreed Hirosaki was strict but he was one of the best opera leaders cum writer. "Walk with delicate confidence, Touga-san. Show me… um hm, yes. Hold your chin up, look confident. Yes, great."

Hirosaki was the only existing bloodline from Japan, his granny was a japanese native who mingled Chinese and Japanese opera elements together. He specialized in the Jing role, the painted face , hua lian. The raven locked young man was renouned for his high standards, as all artistes were, but avuncular and approachable, generally friendly to all people. He welcomed the kids too. Though he had his bad temper, he tried not to rant and rave and he always forgave the wrong-doer. Everybody was thus affected in some sense or the other when he fell ill for a year and was hospitalized. They loved him. Not just a fervor kind of love from the audience as well, but a truly sincere anxiety for him.

It was truly regrettable that he could not find a soulmate and have a succeeding heir. Hirosaki Tomo would love to have a son or if fate was differing he wouldn't mind a daughter too. Thus he had almost given up hope on his own offspring and coached young males eager to get into this hard life. It may be a modern life now, but in the opera it is still a hard trade, you need to literally pour blood, sweat and tears into your training, give up your entertainment for there's no short cut. Every male's wish is to lead a troupe eventually, anything less ambitious would be non fulfilling. Touga-san was the sixth disciple. It seemed that Tomo-sempai was impressed and planned to teach him. The manager could tell from the brightness in his ambers and how he twirled his long forelock in his index and third finger.

Jung was assisting other people to paint their faces. Others, some females too, were pinning each others' hair or straightening their costumes. They loved performance but the standard must be there- minimum would be neatness. One girl brushed down her shimmering pink maid's costume. Tomo laid his head on the dresser again and rested a while. The manager was worried. Despite having flu and feeling feverish, Tomo wanted to continue with the three to four hours' plays over the towns.

"This time I'm driving you back, Hirosaki-kun. No stopping me. Come on. I've packed your stuff." Picking up the bag, he waited as Tomo got up feebly and wrapped an arm about the manager.

The girl cocked her head seeing the pair get into a Rover. Her idol was in a thick coat despite the warm weather and he coughed again. In the far distance he looked like he floated. Her heart stirred, her tears came fresh and hot. She really should have seen his performances. Hirosaki-kun must be sick and what if she did not get to see him do anymore? Opera is best appreciated live. On stage the atmosphere is much more vivid.

Tomo awoke from another feverish nightmare. He sat up, feeling the ache on his neck and the heat of his brow. Yeah, he should've taken a break. He coughed. The pillows were sodden with sweat, so was his shirt and back. The man lay down for a while, letting the agony pass and slowly he eased himself up again. His friend was snoring in his chair. Sure, he had said to wake him if he needed anything. Half heartedly, Tomo reached for the man's hand then he smiled. The girl who had been so concerned for him. Why did her face bring him temporary comfort? Yes he did remember all his fans, but she was just like someone he felt like a best childhood friend.

Perhaps she was just very special. She had brown brown eyes, like a cow! Tomo laughed at the picture and crossed the room on wobbly legs. He poured himself a glass of water and cooled his head on the wall. Sweat continued to drip from his hair. Then he went to the fridge, took out ice cubes and dropped cubes into the glass. He drank this, sighing from the coolness. After that Tomo's thoughts drifted to his performances, how he threw knives, daggers or swung spears at his opponents. How he loved the cheering as he gyrated his head feathers, the feathers being a sign of a skilled general.

His temples ached. Before his glass slipped, he quickly placed it on the table and went back to bed. Back to the sodden smelly bedclothes. Tomo stifled his helplessness, hating himself for his weakness. Why did he suffer so much? The illness had been enough of a bother, those tumours were operated on. So shouldn't he be feeling better? Tears leaked out of self pity. Tomo clenched his fist and bit his lip.

His companion yawned flicking on the light. "Oh… what do you need? Told ya not to run about when you've got a temperature. Are you alright?" Tomo shook his head, holding the guy's hand.

"Just got a migraine. I'm all wet. Could you bring me a change of clothes? Thank you."

Minutes later, a wet cloth was pressed to his burning face. The patient smiled in relief. "Here." Tomo rose again and pulled off his shirt and pants. He had to get up to pull on the new ones. It drained him, feverish and all. Complete, Tomo collapsed on the bed again, despite the manager saying he would change the mattress and closed his eyes. A firm hand replaced the covers over his chest and wiped his face. "Thanks, Alan."

"You just don't get up again all right? Don't think I don't know and I'm deaf when you stumble about like a drunkard, Hirosaki." The patient chuckled, opened one eye and glanced at him. The man looked serious as he sat down on the chair to stare at him. Shivering started once more. Tomo's fingers trembled holding the blankets to his figure. He slipped into blackness as the friend called to him, holding his shoulders. I am too tired, see you later. A conscious desire to get up and do a show nagged him at the back of his mind but Tomo let it go and slept.

_**Concern**_

The girl penned Tomo-sempai a letter. She took a long time to prepare it but she was pleased with the final result. Her unsympathetic sister nagged her to stop. "Why are you wasting time on it? He has so many fanmail rushing in daily, do you think he will care to reply yours?"

Callon was her name, a vain lean girl who was below the thirties, holding a compact mirror in hand and lipstick in the other. "Sheez, always worshipping him! Does he know you like him? Does he even Know!"

"Yes! He gave me his feather!" she ranted, waving it albeit not triumphantly, indignantly.

Callon scoffed it was child's toys, and she should have received his whole family heirloom. The girl read the letter once more with affection.

Dearest Tomo-sempai,

Thank you for the beautiful gift! It is standing in its very own stand now, beside my desk. I wish you success and a very long life! I am sorry for your suffering. I do hope you will be well.

I really enjoy your performances. I love them. Your stories are so intriguing.

If it is not too troublesome, do you mind me coming to your house to visit? It is okay if you don't wish for it. I will pray for you. What religion are you, Buddhist or Shinto?

I hope you can take some time off your busy schedule to reply me. If you're still too busy, it is all right. Just wanted to let you know my feelings.

Your loyal fan,

Bernadette


	2. Friends!

Chapter 2, Soulmates  
  
Weeks later  
  
Bernadette did not know who to pass the letter to. She didn't want her beloved paper scrutinized by others. And yet there was no sign of Tomo sempai. The girl stood at the steps, the very same place she had been when she first came face to face with the actor. Some guard with an even sterner expression barricaded her immediately. Bernadette smiled sweetly at him, but he scowled even more.  
  
"Go away missy. You're a pest. Don't think if you're a girl I will show some mercy. Go home! The actors are too busy to see people!"  
  
"PLEASE. Let me give this to Tomo-sempai. If you won't, then could you help pass this to him?" she replied earnestly. All right, if she couldn't do it personally she would just have to take the risk and hope it didn't fall into the wrong hands. "Onegai."  
  
"Oi! Forget it, I'm Saito. I'll give your letter to Hirosaki san." This was quickly dissipated by a burly man with a moustache, graying hair. The girl tried to hold back tears of relief and let him hold the envelope. She made to leave when another figure approached them, lest she be interpreted as a pest once again.  
  
"Hey, the very man himself. Happy chatting," Saito said touching the actor on the shoulder. The performer's intelligent gaze swept hers, together with a sincere smile. He did not look as tired as he had been. Tomo-sempai slipped the envelope into his pocket.  
  
"Hi, Hirosaki-san. I er....." Tomo shook his head, his ponytail swinging from side to side catching the light and gestured backstage. He was asking her to follow! Bernadette was choked by sheer happiness. Truly she had never been so happy, ecstatic was the appropriate word. The crew were packing their stuff into trunks, all colorful shiny silvery material. The boxes came in all sizes, small for the cosmetics, large for the long trailing dresses. Today Tomo sempai was in a blue sleeved shirt and white trousers. They sat side by side on a bench outside.  
  
"We had such a short chat previously. Thank you for your touching concern. I am getting much better. The week's leave has done me lots of good. Where do you live?"  
  
"I live at Crestwood Jade Avenue 8." The handsome youth gasped and color flushed into his face. She realized why when he confided he lived in just the neighborhood right beside her. His hands fluttered excitedly in a quick gesture.  
  
"I would love you to come visit me. It would be an honour," he told her happily, clasping both hands. "What is your name, Young lady? Can't keep addressing you as an invisible person right? Bernadette? That's a lovely name [he laughed heartily]. Bernadette how about today? Will your parents mind?"  
  
"No. This is a great surprise." Inside she thought, how did you know I wanted to visit you? I only mentioned it in the letter and you haven't read it yet. This is a coincidence. Meanwhile the actor was staring at her with a serene blank expression. He looked white.  
  
"Are you all right? Oh no! Tomo-sempai! Help!" The actor chewed his lip, sweat appearing on his brow and he gasped, a hand pressed to his side. That grip tightened. Bernadette cast about for someone. A few people stared. Tomo knelt on the grass, doubled over his stomach, gasping faster and faster. He felt very dizzy, barely conscious of people's arms hauling him firmly to a sitting position and fanning his hot face. Pain, terrible pain ate into his chest, burnt his stomach. Vaguely he remembered slipping in a sandwich this morning. How could he be feeling faint? A little girl's anxious face. Her small fingers laid on his breast. She was saying a lot of words but he couldn't hear her.  
  
I have to lie down. Thankfully the folks understood without his having to utter a word and eased him back until he lay upon somebody's shoulder. Darkness. Voices were far off. Then the light focused hazily. Now Tomo- sempai's vision had sharpened. It was the guard, stroking his hair. "It's all right now, man. You're fine. You're doing fine. Relax. Hey hey no getting up. Lie down." Hirosaki sank back an ache throbbing in his temple.  
  
"I'm okay now," he protested. Saito's form blocked the light. He rubbed oil onto his temples and his nose. The sharp choking smell made Hirosaki wake up.  
  
"Can I see him please?" Everybody got out of the way. Her brown hair and eyes and skin. "Thank you God. He is going to be all right now." she clasped his hand firmly, tears filling up. Hirosaki touched her face, feeling the stickiness. She said she didn't want to bother him. He sat up, allowing the guard to support him.  
  
"Don't go. Bernadette. Please. Come to my house," he said tiredly. She nodded. After a while, Hirosaki indicated he wanted to rise. Saito held him by the arm.  
  
***********************  
  
Such a soft gentle material. How could he be here, he was on the grass near the stage........ then he remembered. It had been too fast. Of course!  
  
"Hi, feeling better huh? You scared the living daylights out of us." Bernadette at the foot of his bed said. She leaned closer. Their hands connected. "You slept for the afternoon."  
  
"So long? Sorry, it really wasn't your fault. I've been very ill recently. [smiles sadly] These days anyway. Your hands, your very touch calmed me down. I couldn't hear anything...... If not my agony usually continues for a period of two to three hours," Tomo sempai remarked, sitting up and leaning on the pillows. "Thank you."  
  
"It wasn't me. It was a miracle from God. I felt so scared I prayed and prayed." So those were prayers, the muttering he had heard. Tomo scratched his head, tugging dreamily at his silvery strands then brushing them behind. He must look a mess. He shifted on his side, poised for pain but it wasn't a lot and faced her. She was red. He looked on the floor.  
  
"Did you see my friend Kennex? Tell her I'm famished kay?" he smiled in thanks. The woman was a fantastic chef! She could actually go on tv but she wouldn't. Food flavor wafted in. A middle-aged lady with plaits hanging down her shoulders, long-legged, complete with an apron at her waist knelt down, setting the tray on the desk. He sat up straighter. Kennex propped up the pillows, wiped his sweaty back, rested a hand on his shoulder. Tomo scooped the soup, not caring it burnt his tongue.  
  
"Oi, who asked you to rush? You'll choke you naughty boy." Kennex scolded, slapping his lap gently. "You worried us by blacking out. I hate you."  
  
"Kenni," in between mouthfuls "I feel all right now. This is so Good! My friends were around me, nothing bad will happen to me when they are." He wiped his mouth with the tissue, smiling childishly. Kennex was like a sister to him, a younger girl but he had to admit he always needed more care than she ever did from him. He could cook, but barely. Kennex always cooked for him. Bernadette was seated in a corner, head still down. Tomo beckoned to her.  
  
"Come here, sit with me. How old are you?"  
  
"I'm twelve."  
  
"Such a maturing age. Let's be friends, though we already are. Sugoi." He kissed her hand. The girl laughed. "You can call me Tomo chan or sempai if you still want to." The man sighed, lying back on the pillows. He thought the child was just like his little sister. How he wished he could have offspring. How anguished he had been when he learnt of the cancer. The doctor told him he was afraid that if he did have offspring he might likely give it to the baby with his genes.  
  
Hirosaki's heart ached with longing. It didn't matter if people laughed at him for being homosexual. At least homosexuals could have families if they wanted to, whereas he wanted a family, but wasn't able to. He soon fell asleep.  
  
Kennex offered the girl something to eat. Bernadette..... maybe she held some divine powers. She watched her eat, untying her apron. Childlike and yet an adult. There was something there. Tomo sempai didn't immediately strike up a friendship this close. He was friendly yes, nevertheless kept a distance from even family.  
  
"Will he be ok? I am glad you're such a good caretaker of Tomo. If not I don't think he could manage it." Kennex gathered up the bowls and spoons.  
  
"Yeah he wouldn't. A careless and clumsy boy. Clumsy not on stage but outside. I always have to remind him to take his medicine." Kennex recalled how her best friend was the survivor of two previous battles with the deadly illness. It hurt! How cruel Fate was treating Hirosaki, an outstanding performer. He slept now, exhausted, a chain with a cross and a man sticking to it. Bare-chested except for the short sleeved white shirt, unbuttoned at the top.  
  
"Missy are you a religious person?" Kennex said after a while, looking at her bowls and spoons, arranging them into a line on the table top.  
  
"Yeah, I go to Sunday school, um that kind of stuff...... you mean to pray for Tomo-sempai! Yes I do always, everyday. I hope he will be recovered, permanently."  
  
"Thank you. I don't have much faith in God when I see my friend suffering. Why must God hurt him? He's so tender hearted. He has always been civil, honest and kind. Don't they tell you why in the class?" The girl's eyes felt like welling up. the answer was, God would let his followers suffer even more, so the good would be moulded into his image. People like Tomo-kun who was so nice and merciful Had to accept his illness and be more faithful. But at the resentment in the woman's features, Bernadette didn't wish to upset her further.  
  
Another incidental happening  
  
Saito folded the costume in its proper place and laid it into the box. Touga was a good performer, albeit inexperienced. If he sang a wrong tune they had to increase the volume of the music. They had had no choice, since Tomo was exhausted and feeling ill the replacement was essential. Saito felt resentment towards the young man, why didn't he Get picked anyway? All because Hirosaki favored the strange youth who appeared to have potential. Touga san was showing off to his fans, who had already forgotten the original jing role and now switched loyalties.  
  
The big man slammed a sword onto the makeup desk. Eyes stared, some interested, some shocked. "You! Stop this at once. You didn't do So well! We had to cover up for all your stupid imperfections. Don't think you will stay like this for good!"  
  
"Ne if I am not good, I wouldn't be chosen to play Hirosaki-sama's role. I get to do it right away. Unlike some foolish dogs, thinking they got the senior ranking," Touga replied calmly, stripping his white shirt, to some girls screaming and looking with ogling eyes. He was a slight figure suitable for the female roles as well and didn't have to do the customary clown Chou role to be promoted due to the advantage. How catlike slimy he was getting. Saito clenched his fist.  
  
"He wouldn't have if he had seen your Un worthiness!" Saito stepped forward and shoved him so the youth slammed into the wall, then got him by both muscled hands onto the slender throat. Touga gasped, paling, going weaker and weaker. Some men held back the angry man, girls helped the victim. Touga coughed and coughed for a bit. An act! An act! Saito thought furiously, huffing from the exertion. "Let me go!"  
  
He strode outside.  
  
"How is Touga-san? Are you guys bullying him when I'm not there?" the troupe leader asked, propped up by pillows. He held the receiver nodding at the yakking on the other end. The amber pupils were calm, serene. His body was bare some tubes ran from his stomach to a machine beeping steadily. Bernadette's letter was overleafed by another colorful pad, clamped by a large black book. "He will be humble. It is all right, he's young, perhaps he needs to be confident in himself. What's the use of violence?"  
  
"I know. It is tough for you..... anou, I don't know how well I will be tomorrow. Come home for dinner, Kennex cooked a lot excess. See you." He sighed, trying to lie on his side, the tubes hurt. And he felt very cold. But because of the tubes Tomo had to be bare-chested. One more hour. He resumed writing again, did it look legible? The performer squinted, hoping it was. It looked shaky, otherwise it was ok. He really did not have to strength to rewrite his copy, Even if it wasn't tidy. He sank back when he had done half the page, closing his eyes.  
  
Bernadette knelt on the pew and murmured to herself. Candles flickered alongside. "Please God, let Tomo suffer less pain. He has been a good person. Please, on that account, help him. If it is your Will May I be an instrument of healing. Amen."  
  
Tomo-sempai was too sick to leave his bed. Yesterday they had a phone conversation, which he sounded so faraway. He sounded sleepy, dozing off when she spoke.  
  
"Hi, Hirosaki Tomo speaking," he said candidly, picking up on the fourth ring.  
  
"Hi Tomo sama, it's me Bern. [he wanted to call her this] how are you feeling now? Are you still having a fever?"  
  
"Swell. Just Tomo will do. But so bored. When can you come? Then I won't be sleeping so much." He gave a happy laugh, the breath coming out on the phone.  
  
"I'm sorry, not free. What about tomorrow? Um afternoon?"  
  
"Cool. Can't go out, I'm still a bit weak. Do come please. I want to see you, tell you something...."  
  
"How about now? You might forget."  
  
"Forget? [incredulous] My memory isn't that rotten. [both of them chuckled at this] It's something, you hafta come." Tomo coughed for a while and returned to the phone again "Don't disappoint me."  
  
"What do you mean by...... All right, want me to get you a present? No no it isn't expensive, it's a handmade one. I'll bring it over. Bye get well soon!"  
  
********************  
  
She swung the paper bag now, walking to the house. Tomo sempai insisted on waiting at the gate, he'd said he would be seated. It was her first time. Scary, and shy. How would he look?  
  
She pictured a pale gaunt guy introducing himself. His clothes would be thin, loose about his figure. C'mon! he wouldn't look so bad. "Here, Bern." The young man waved cheerfully when she almost walked past the house.  
  
His left wrist was taped, had a transparent tube linked behind. No wonder he was so tired, all the treatment. Tomo smiled radiantly, holding her hand. "A present! Thank you." He folded the bag and sat it on his lap. The nails on his fingers were polished, kept long for the acting.  
  
"I would like to see you open it."  
  
"Okay, let's see......" she had given him seeds, stones and pebbles of many colors, carefully dried and polished. They were linked by a string. "It's so special, exotic. I won't wear it but I'll put it up. Arigatou."  
  
Bern hugged him tightly. He felt cold, poor thing! He sneezed. His back dripped sweat. The skin was fair, he always stayed indoors, otherwise covered by paint. "I wanted to tell you this. We're soulmates. I read this book about vampires. They only have one male or female partner. I think it doesn't necessarily mean it has to be boyfriend or girlfriend relationship. We are soulmates! Right, Bern? I hadn't met you often before. I have this feeling we have some other life though. Don't you think?"  
  
He smiled warmly, clasping both hands together. Actually she didn't think the same way, how could a fiction story be true? To what extent was it proven? Still he looked so excited and cheered up that she let it pass. "I suppose so."  
  
He coughed painfully, not seeming to have heard her answer. Then they spoke of other things, his new script, the letter, school happenings. Tomo hadn't gone to much school, he was too poor to do that, he dropped out when his mom passed away. He had to lead. "Were you very sad at that? I'm sorry."  
  
He cast about, swallowing. Bern poured him a glass. He sipped. "Um, yeah I was, but we weren't that close. I've always been outside and she was so strict. It was more like, a sadness that I had not got a chance to truly say goodbye. It was okay, coz I had Kenni and Saito my cousin. What of your folks?" he continued, shaking his bangs to the side. So cute!!! Bern shrugged.  
  
"They're both alive and well. My mom's easy going. My dad, I hardly see him coz he's always so busy. Shall we go indoors? It's So hot." The Asian shook his head, patting the swing seat next to him.  
  
"It's nice sun. You could get Vitamin D. Thank you for your kindness in coming here. If not I'll be sleeping again. Can you stay for dinner? I won't be tired. Kenni! Do you have enough? Great, you can stay then." He seemed eager to entertain her, didn't want to appear bored, though the wheezing was more frequent. Bernadette nodded. At last he laid his head back and rested. She held his hand. He did the same, squeezing as if to say ' I'm all right, relax ' 


	3. Touga san and personal life

**Chapter 3: Tomo's personal life**

San: colleague

Sama or sempai: a person of high ranking and with skill

ne: exclamation, used by guys as humor, usually reserved for females

arigatou: thank you!

When the man awoke, Bernadette returned from investigating his small garden. Seasonals, blue yellow, red, pink adorned the far wall facing the bench. Some of the bluebells were blooming, half out of their complete opening. "It's a nice patch of flowers you got there. I love bluebells! "

"Yep, nature at my doorstep. I don't have the energy to adopt a pet dog or cat so a garden is fine. I just need to water it every day. I'm happy you like it." Tomo sempai adjusted his posture so that he could lean back more comfortably. The girl gazed at him with motherly concern, surprising for such a young tender age. She asked if he often suffered pain and how he endured it.

"It's not easy to tolerate it, but praying helps. Sometimes I get very drowsy from the medication and cough a lot, that's a side effect…… my body is so weak I cannot see anyone for a week, or I will catch infection. Thank you for asking," he focused on his feet, holding the swing rope. "If you're still curious I don't mind telling you more."

After that they went indoors, the sun too sweltering to bear. Tomo felt a spasm returning and collapsed onto the sofa, sapped of energy. He told them to get his medication from his bedroom drawer. This time it wasn't as tough to overcome and by the time Kenni returned with the stuff, he had stopped spasming and laid there resting. Bernie was crying when he gathered his senses once more. His long tapering fingers touched her softly on the cheek.

"Why do you weep?"

"I was so worried. Sorry you're already ill and yet you have to be concerned for me. Sorry." The artiste smiled, shaking his head, unspoken friendship connecting between them. Her compassion and generosity proved that they could be more than just casual friends, he felt. They were on the same wavelength.

"What's for dinner?" Saito asked, pulling away his gaze, addressing the table. He was thinking, Why did Tomo trust a stranger girl with his problems? She's only twelve, we've been brothers and I've never betrayed you! You're much too trusting and I told you not to over exert yourself but you never listen to me. Now it is worse. It's your fault we are fretting like crazy.

He could have just told him the truth. But what would it result in? Whenever they spoke it was always a conflict, never accord. Tomo wouldn't believe him. So forget it. Saito smiled bitterly.

**Dinnertime: A Struggle for Power**

"Saito have this dumpling. It's so delicious melts in the mouth," the artiste told him, laying it onto his plateful of rice. Tomo had loaded all their plates with food, and he himself had left his meal untouched. He ate a bird's helping when Kenni glanced at him. Everyone noticed of course but the tension would not be broken because of the false cheerfulness. Dinner is supposed to be of great family importance and building up relationships, so Asians try not to fight or argue at the table.

"Eat, Tomo. I made your favourite braised chicken. We're already filled." Could she be nagging or just advising? She added that she would be happy to make more dishes of his choice. The man made his I-really-cannot-eat- but-I –will-try weak consent and clipped food between the chopsticks. Saito slammed his on the table.

"If you don't eat, you're wasting her effort. How to get well? EAT," the burly guy thundered, his face clouding over. Everyone stuffed food into their mouths.

On his third helping Tomo sempai gathered his rice to the corner of the plate. His expression remained serene but inside he was thinking resentfully I never take drugs and I've tried to be vegetarian but I still have cancer now. On bad days the patient knew he would throw up emptying his stomach and leaving a sour taste that lingered for days.

He understood why Saito nagged and shouted at him. All in the name of duty. In truth the artiste was on his own in terms of battling his illness. The pretext of help was: eat more or you won't be better. You won't die.

**Raining**

The letter was complete at last! The young man replaced his pen into its holder and read it over. His eyesight blurred and he had to lie back. The side effects of enduring long term illness.

If only the writing wasn't so shaky.

_Dear Bernadette and my soulmate,_

_I am so happy to have read your letter. I always take the time to read every single one of my fans' letters. Ah, thank you also for your wishes. I am pleasantly surprised we're neighbours, to think we've always stayed nearby but I didn't know. A small world!_

_My sickness is an ongoing thing for some time now. I wish I could completely recover from it, that's my wish. I have to fight battles like I do in the plays. There will be some performances I owe you guys when I get back on my feet. Working very hard! It's called Rose Summer , a fiction story. Other plays too, but without titles yet. I hope you will like it. _

_Yes you can come and visit me. Treat me like an ordinary person ok, because I am just like you. I am not a God like on stage. Everything is real when you stop acting. I find it such a pity sometimes. Don't you? There is this phrasing, asking people to always be on their best performance so that when you become old or sickly you'd not regret it. It is quite applicable. _

_Maybe you do not believe me as I speak of soulmates. Disbelief in your eyes. I know. It is fine with me but I just want to have some belief to keep my fantasy ongoing. It helps me to have hope. It is very important to remain hopeful always so it is not painful and agonizing. _

_Hope you don't see this as too untidy. Sorry! I love reading letters, do write back._

_Your idol and Friend,_

_Tomo sempai_

He dropped the sheet and cursed. Kennex sighed. If only he didn't try so hard to be perfect he wouldn't be angry and resentful. And he once declared he could stay by himself and be independent. How to? She wondered. His culinary was lousy and left alone, he was bound to cook instant noodles with salted vegetables. Tomo was intelligent, creative, but he just couldn't be bothered to eat a balanced diet if you didn't get on his tail! What a diet, not very nutritious if you were going to recover from terminal illness which takes a lot out of you.

"Kenni, I'm cold. Could you get me another blanket?"

"Right away." Rain splattered against the panes. She tossed him the blanket and rushed to shut the window still open. This girl must be special, Kennex thought. He usually was very forgetful about his fans let alone their names. "Shall I make some hot cocoa?"

"Um. I wish it wouldn't rain. I like sunny days." Followed by a violent coughing. Of course! He would like cool weather were it not that he would be in pain or feel cold. He took a sip.

"Why is it so bitter?" he hissed, the mug splashing some liquid on the table. His lips grey, Tomo stared hard at her. She lowered her gaze and said sorry.


	4. Raining confrontation

**SOULMATES 4, Author Reinasinnax**  
  
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**Raining: Confrontation**

He continued to glare at her for a few minutes. The silence stung sharply. He snapped, "No need to add sugar." And recoiled from her touch when she brushed his hand. Her brown hair swished softly. Her figure disappeared from his view, moving to the kitchen.  
  
When she came back, rubbing her eyes, Tomo asked, softly, "Why do you allow me to berate you? I am bullying you! For goodness sake, Scream at me!"  
  
"I cannot."  
  
"Don't treat me like glass. I am still a human, are you unaware of that? Kenni am I being a bastard?" At this vulgarity coming from his gentle demeanour, Kennex gasped a small shock. His face was dead serious and not flinching.  
  
"Why do you resort to this?" she replied meeting his ambers straight on. She gripped the sofa, her veins sticking out from the tension. Her breath was harsher than she wanted it to be.  
  
"I don't want you to ignore me and give in. I'm still me. If that's truly the case scream at me if I'm being an asshole."  
  
"An Egoistic Asshole?" she enquired timidly. Tomo sempai cackled. The lady looked surprised for a bit and forgot to cry. Then she relaxed when she realized his mood was much better now. Her hand came in contact with his soft silk hair. "I always take you so seriously. You know my mouse- like character, I wouldn't scream..... this morning I went to the temple to seek a divination lot. It came out well! You will be recovering! The gods are on your side."

Tomo stopped smiling. "Don't do that. Why are you going again? I am Christian."

"I'm worried, if you don't get well, and I don't do anything, I can't just sit like a dolt! Please, we've been through this many times. I'm not converting you."

"It's my own free thinking. I follow what I want. It never works. Stop going there and being superstitious. It'll make me more uptight! I have enough worrying about my results every month. Both don't match so what am I supposed to believe?"

He regretted sounding so harsh at the paleness of his friend. What did she do, just wanted to help me and I was being so cruel........ "Fine. You can go, but don't tell me," Tomo added still grumpily. He didn't like to say sorry. Hopefully she was sensitive enough to take the hint. If he wasn't angry and harsh, the pain would be unbearable. The pressure of long term illness ate into his soul making him lose his temper, also due to the amount of medication he had to take. Sometimes he might not scream out but it didn't mean there was completely no pain, his head hurt and pins were shooting into his back and stomach.

Silent tears still trekked down her face. Damnit, she was gonna break down in front of him.  
  
He couldn't bear it. His fingers found the packet of tissue he'd been using to sneeze into, pulled out a clean handful and shoved it at her. Kennex choked on her sobbing. He stood up and squeezed her shoulder. He didn't look at her until her hiccupping had reduced.  
  
"Sorry, Tomo sempai. I know you feel awful. I don't want to bother you."  
  
He grunted a gruff reply and patted her shoulder. She leaned on him for a while, sniffling. How like a sister she was. The frustration at the role- reversal of her taking care of him instead of the other way round, the throbbing pain in his body, the foul weather were all combination factors of making his mood melancholic. His sensei, also his understanding father, had told him it was normal for artistes to have very dramatic lives and plenty of moodswings. Once the old man had asked Saito and Kenni in separately, he guessed to talk about him. If not why didn't he get included in the conference? Though I am a young adult, I still have not stabilized my moods. Why? Tomo thought rubbing her back in circles. It worked in smoothing her crying.  
  
He would have enjoyed all sorts of coldness had it not for his fragility. If he wasn't careful with the outdoor activities he would become incredibly sick. Flu lasted for a month or so with high temperatures. Look what happened when he overstrained himself. He hadn't recovered for a month or so. It really was troublesome to monitor his activities. A weeping girl was not any help at all. But he couldn't just push her aside and ignore her, for she never complained or became impatient with his stupid and eccentric character.

****

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**Personal stuff and video watching  
**

Bernadette shaped his hopes to dwell more on human life's ups and downs, making his problems much smaller. Her talk of school and daily stuff made Tomo happy and contented. He was just the age to listen without interruption and give advice when it was appropriate. "My friend made a puppet show and Ms Polline gave her a high mark. I did a coaster, really I tried but it wasn't good enough. I don't dare to make a show in front of people. Tomo, why?"  
  
"You did very well. Let me see it, Wow! It's lovely. Maybe she will give a better grade next time. It's all right. Next time you'll make it much better. Would you like some dessert? Chocolate or vanilla? Ok." He made his way to the fridge. Kenni watched afraid he would collapse, when he did collapse he hadn't been discovered until everyone got back at night. Tomo had gone into a coma for two days because of the horrible condition his lungs had been. From that day they never let him be unaccompanied. "Here."  
  
Tomo gave her a cup of yoghurt. Kennex smiled accepting it. His tone was light and relenting. "Come and sit down. You don't have to cook yet isn't it?" She sat opposite him, tears falling once more into the yoghurt.  
  
"Yum. The cushions are so unusual," Bern remarked. Black and red checkered, another splashed by green mosses, yet another was silver purple and striped blue.  
  
The artist smiled swallowing a mouthful. "Nice. Glad you like it. These are gifts from friends, with every birthday they gave one to me. But I lost a couple of them, must be in my room somewhere. A kind of tradition. I'm twenty-one this year." When he shifted to a more comfortable position, the cross slipped out of his shirt. Black locks slid across his shoulder, his forehead.  
  
He was frailer than Bernadette remembered, the robe string pulled much tighter around his waist. The shoulder blades were sharp. Every few minutes, when there was silence, his coughs were very obvious. She wanted to ask him to lie down but since he was not in bed, maybe it wasn't the right time.  
  
"I have written a reply. Here. Do reply me soon ok?"  
  
"Yes! Thank you. Would you like a gift? When is your birthday?"  
  
He looked shy, very uncharacteristic of him, the back of his ears went red. "No no no, don't go to the trouble. I am very happy as long as you accompany me. I don't have much more space for presents anyway. We can go for dinner outside for a celebration. [mischevious smile] I'll tell you on the day itself." Kennex was not participating at all in their conversation, engrossed in her dessert. Bern wondered why. Hirosaki silently ate his dessert.  
  
Packets of medicine lay on the table among the magazines, big, small,medium, large white, blue, red capsules of so many varieties. Perhaps Kennex was tired, she was.... Crying?  
  
"Miss, don't cry."

Hirosaki cast his silvery hair back, frowning. "I didn't scold you ! Why are you so upset?" Bern leaned forward and patted her shoulder, and the older woman just kept apologizing , shaking her head. The only clue was, she kept staring at Bern's idol with big rabbit like eyes while crying. Tomo looked surprised, incredulous.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"We had a fight just now. I thought she already let it go. It was.... Because she always goes to the temple. I don't like it and was bad tempered, kinda blew up at her. Sometimes I'm very snappish."  
  
"Why? She must still be sad from that incident. She likes you?"

Tomo ran a white hand across his brow absently, covering his amber pupils for a minute, then let it drop to his lap. He crossed his legs. "No. I don't think so, we're half- brother and sister. My parents before they died took her in. She was an orphan. I take care of her. Honestly we knew each other since a long time back but, I forget she's more sensitive than me. Don't worry, I'll make it up later. Do you want to watch a video? I'm behind the times. No VCD or DVD player."

He rose to the tape cabinet, but Bern stopped him. He didn't refuse and reclined on the couch for a break. She was technically seeing the video but her mind wandered off here and there. She was thinking about her idol's actual nature wasn't as straightforward as she liked or thought. He had blown up at his sister? How could such a gentle soul be a different angry person in private? Would he blow up at her too? Kennex was More than his sister, she was in love with him. Why else was she so upset if it was simply an argument between siblings?  
  
Should I tell Tomo what I think? But I would be like a busybody?  
  
In the end the girl kept silent. He had opened up quite a lot to her, more than in a showbiz interview. It might spoil his mood or make him angry. Anger wasn't positive for a person's health. "Tomo sempai,"

"Yeah? Are you bored? I am sorry I cannot entertain you. I'll be lonely and bored if you go now."

"You got your sis with you. She's full of care. Um, please don't be mad when I say this...." His amber eyes gave consent, sincere, piercing. "She may feel very helpless when you're sick. She can't do anything."

Pain contorted the man's features, changing the slender brows into a frown. "I know. But it is so unbearable. I want her not to worry, I can take care of myself. Really. Oh you doubt that?" he asked bursting into mirth. Bern looked serious.  
  
"She told me you forget your medicine. I sense her feelings towards you may be different than we expected."


	5. Letters I

**Chapter 5  
  
Letters I  
  
**

_Dear Tomo-sempai,  
  
I think your handwriting is just beautiful. Given the fact that you're ill, it's still neat and nice. It's great!  
  
Thank you for giving me the honour to be your friend. You said that people must constantly be on their best performance so they will not regret. I completely agree. It's fine to imagine you're on stage, not stupid. Your stage plays are much better and relaxed than real life. In real life you can't solve your problems so quickly and efficiently. I feel So stressed at times. Yet I cannot do anything. Oh sorry to worry you....  
  
Tomo sempai, try not to be disheartened. God will help you and strengthen you when you're down. We are all praying for you always.  
  
When is your birthday? I would love to go for dinner with you. We can ask Miss Kenni too.  
  
Disbelief of the soulmates principle? I don't know, there is no evidence about this but I did not want to hurt your feelings when you mentioned this. I will be your soulmate if that is how you wish it to be. I learnt a concept called guardian angel, each of us has one assigned to take good care of us, giving advice in our dreams or inspiring us. Unlike human friends they will always be with you. What do you think?  
  
Cancer is very painful. Could you tell me more about this illness? Is there any more we can help? Do ask. I love to read your letters too. Take care!  
  
Love, Bern  
_

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Hi Bern-chan,  
  
Arigatou for your concern and friendship. It really is nice to know I have got such a sweet friend and fan like you for support. Um, cancer.... Yes it is painful. I need to take a lot of medication to keep the cells from spreading. So far I am doing fine, just dizzy and my stomach feels like, how do I put this, feels like empty and I want to throw up, especially after chemotherapy. This is a medicine drip hooked to my arm, I'm sure you've seen it sometimes at my house. It is terrible. I feel very cold and hot at the same time. I do not wish it on anyone else. I also need to sleep a lot! Aren't I a pig? When I have flu or fever it does not recover like a norm two weeks, it takes a month or more. So I have to be very careful not to go out too late and observe how my body is reacting.  
  
Guardian angels? Wow! It's a fantastic concept. To have somebody who takes care of me every minute. I think it's really nice. I am Christian, but I am accepting of such romantic concepts, dreamy or imaginative concepts....... I am happy just to be your friend, Bernadette!  
  
You sound very troubled. I will listen if you need to talk to me. Are you more comfortable talking or writing? It is no trouble. Praise for my plays, yeah I still need improvement here and there. Thank you, any negative points you want to comment about?  
  
My birthday, actually I am forgetful. It's in October, I think the 13th of Oct if I' m not wrong. How about your birthday? I don't want you guys to waste money, so I don't reveal my birthday. I feel awkward if people buy so many gifts, like teddy bears, flowers, books, you know? I don't use them at all. I plan to give those away to charity for kids who want presents.  
  
Please be my soulmate. I want you to be. Why? Because you're the one person I can relate to very well, as you know my parents died when I was young and I only have Saito and Kenni for company but they're very old fashioned. I don't confide everything to them! They nag at me.  
  
Write back,  
  
Tomo-chan  
  


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_Dear Tomo sempai,  
  
Hi again! Sorry for the long interval. I am busy preparing for the exams. I hate history, so many facts to remember! And accounting sucks. I admire people who don't go to school. I want to skip school and not have to worry about it at all!  
  
My trouble, is... I' m lonely. I am not very smart, but I am not stupid either. If I know the answer I will tell , but people don't like me for it. I do have a few friends. They're just like you: kind, always listening and stuff, I appreciate that. Do I appear too greedy if I want to have a lot of friends and be popular like other people? The pop. people seem so lucky! They just have people flocking to them. I have so much skin problems too! Yuck, I wish I had better complexion.  
  
Blah blah, those are my problems. I guess you may find them interesting to analyse.  
  
Ok I will be your soulmate. Nag at you? Seriously I think they are nice people. What do you disagree on? You can talk to me too if you need to, it's only fair. You can write me or call me but I can't promise you I will be able to talk to you coz my folks are always keeping a tab on the bill. Hope you're feeling better now. Rest more.  
  
I'll take it as the 13th of October then, you're Libra on the astrology chart. My birthday is June 17. I'm a Geminian.  
  
Love: Bern  
_

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Dear Bernadette-chan,  
  
Sorry for replying so late, are you mad at me? I have been to the hospital a lot for check ups and when Kenni fell down and cut herself on a pen knife we also had to do that. Do not worry I'm now on the recovery route. Kenni has a large bandage on her right wrist and can't strain too much so I have to help with the cooking. We are on a cookie making lesson now. I used to dislike cooking as I think [pardon me for this anti female statement] ladies should be the ones doing the housework. Now I respect it as a form of recreation and art.  
  
I am very sad you feel this way, about being smart and yet people don't appreciate you for your talents. I'm sure you will make a great scientist and astrologist next time! Don't bother about them, how about others, yep those few people you're telling me, they deserve you more than ever! Those stupid popular people...... did you know they aren't as popular as it seems? Your acne problems will go away as you grow up. You look lovely, Bern. Genuine and sincere remark.  
  
You don't have to be popular, You are loveable and okay as You are.  
  
Exams.... Lucky I didn't have to go through too much. It must be hard, good luck. Ganbatte! You're doing fine. It is ok, you're so busy I don't expect you to reply me so quickly either. That's all right, update me about your problems.  
  
Libra, very interesting! Do they actually tell you what your personality is about? I would like to know more, I only know moodiness is true. And unable to make decisions. What else? Gemini, no wonder you're so smart.  
  
Write soon. (mean when you're free) Take care.  
  
Tomo sempai

Dearest Tomo-chan:  
  
Thank you. I finally finished the bloody exams!!!! YES! Now it's vacation time, hey why am I telling you this I could visit you again after so long. But it's ok you can get this early and be very happy.  
  
That's horrible, I hope you're out of hospital now. I wanted to cry when I read that part. Is it right, my mum told me she saw you perform on the 16th of May and 18th? I wish I hadn't missed that! Will you be doing any more plays soon? Do tell me ------- I will come and support you! How do you summon the strength to do this when you're feeling awful, sick or flu? Please don't go onstage when you're ill, it's detrimental (what a long word) to your health. You must rest and sleep often. Enough that is.  
  
Yes that was anti female but I forgive you since you're so kind as to make such a beautiful piece of phrase there! smile Librans are indecisive and moody, also you're usually good looking definitely, happy go lucky, have a natural charisma for meeting many people. I guess these are true.... I missed this fact out, good at listening to people, but biased towards your family, treat your friends better. That's bad.  
  
Gemini ya we're smart! But stupid in some ways too, yeah I took into a ccount all your words, but this is honest.

_Thank you for all your wonderful advice! You make me feel so lucky to be me! Well we'll be able to see each other soon._

_Lots of love,_

_Bern_


	6. Home, Memories, Agony

**Chapter 6**

_Going home_  
  
Tomo- sempai let himself in, collapsed into the sofa. It had been a taxing performance, and the renters of the space had not yet been settled about the bills. He was worried about being unable to pay them. Money wasn't coming in too well recently. He got up after a bit, deciding on having a shower. It would reduce his stress.  
  
Kenni came when he opened the door, getting his bath towel. He coughed violently. "Are you all right?"  
  
He was going to be snappy, then remembered what Bern had told him. Kenni took his arm. "I'm tired. Want to have a bath, then sleep. Help me get my clothes. Thank you." She watched him step into the bathroom, wore his slippers before leaving him. Coughing punctuated the sounds of the water running.  
  
"Got your stuff! So what do I do with them?"  
  
"Put them at the door." His hand reached out to retrieve the T shirt and shorts. Interesting, Kenni smiled, how would he react to wearing shorts? It was funny. Tomo cried out. He stepped out, hair dripping, his form simmering wetness, scowling. Wearing the black shorts. "Why did you get me these?"  
  
"Coz you don't have any more pants. Silly, want to have a drink first?"  
  
He grumbled, scrubbing his wet hair, seating himself. His bare white skin was smooth and only a few scars showed from the treatments he had gotten. Precisely why he didn't like to wear shorts. At home it was ok, she thought. Tomo slipped one arm through his T shirt sleeve, pulling it over his head. It shouted 'World Peace'! Finely arched eyebrows were narrowed, making him immortalized, but he was a jaded man.  
  
"Kenni, thanks. You shouldn't run too much, rest. I can do some things myself." He sipped on the tea. "Not everything is ok. I'm stressed. Saito will handle it though. Right? The doc said I mustn't think so complicated."  
  
Kennex wished he would just follow the advice. He pulled out the oxygen mask, took a whiff of it and laid back. The other day he was angry about losing his privacy to the media. Despite Hirosaki requesting they leave him alone and not ask for an interview they had come to the house. He locked himself in. The reporters only left 50 minutes later. Tomo had curled up in a ball at his bed, totally stressed out and hyperventilating. He almost slapped her when she moved closer.  
  
They had to leave him alone until he had calmed down. He hadn't pushed her away, gratefully he held her closer, much to her surprise.  
  
The boy who was her idol was so weak, despite showing a firm, strong front. She wanted him to spill his guts but she was actually lucky she managed to get this much from him. Normally he would be silent and take a nap. Tomo removed his oxygen supply, resting his head so he was face to face with her. "Why did you tease me? Want to be little girl again?"  
  
"Yeah, I kind of miss those times. Don't be angry."  
  
"No..... [sigh] I miss those carefree times too. My dad would give us baobing remember? They made them so well, so naturally. Now the supermarket's bing are so artificial. [took her hand and studied it absently] You should be resting your hands. That is why I don't want you onstage making your hands rough from wielding knives. You could get hurt. Cooking is more suited. You would trip on your long dress. Ah! And you like the soldier's role most," he murmured happily, smiling. The lady's heart fluttered. He loves me! I'm not mistaken at all.  
  
"Uh huh, but you never let me act. Except once I became the little princess. Too many lines.... I almost forgot, Bern's letter! Here. It came this morning. I'm glad you and her hit it off so well."  
  
Tomo flung back his bangs, squinting at the cursive handwriting on the envelope. He smiled, slipping it into his black book. It was the list of contacts. "Um, are you jealous?" he asked making her offguard.  
  
"What? Why would you think so?" his sis replied flustered.  
  
"I read in one article, women don't show their jealousy, hey what the---I know. Just joking. I'm going to have a nap now. Don't make me wake up too suddenly." He curled up on the couch and closed his ambers. Inside he was worrying the issues of his health and his body's tendency to break down. It took a big effort to control his facial muscles not to break out into full panic. Kenni is my sister, I must not worry her so much. I must be a responsible brother to the girl. She's stressed out too.  
  
__

_Memories_  
  
When she had acted onstage his heart had ached for more. She was just too perfect. A natural at memorizing lines. And her voice was flawless, able to hold the high notes without going out of tune. Sure his father always felt girls shouldn't be allowed onstage but Tomo liked Kennex's acting. She just quit when his dad died. Wouldn't continue even at his encouragement. He didn't probe.  
  
Maybe she was too upset about his death? Women were very emotional, unbelievably emotional. There'd been no tears, only at the funeral, and news of the cancer always made her worry. Suddenly Tomo snapped awake, heart throbbing his chest. His medical report! It was supposed to arrive this week. He eased himself up, feeling dizzy. If Kenni knew, she was going to nag again.  
  
At last the headache stopped, Tomo scanned the tables for other envelopes. A plain white one for the bills. Orange one......... "Hey!"  
  
"What? Didn't you sleep? Gave me a shock."  
  
"Did you get any more letters for me?" Tomo told her anxiously. She shook her head. He didn't believe her. Frowned at her. She put both hands out in a placating gesture. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Sure," the lady sighed, wiping the table again. Tomo rolled his eyes. Maybe he could call the doctor, damn, he should have asked him to send it in a confidential report. Then she wouldn't read it, he was very harsh to whoever opened his private stuff. I wish I can be open about it. Yet, I know she will be nagging and nagging, which I just loathe.  
  
He went in his room and shut the door. Cool, a letter for me. Bern said she would come and visit but she hadn't yet. It had been a month since they last met. It was rushed because he had to travel to another place. A matter of half an hour. She'd just given him a lucky talisman to pin on. Tomo was touched, he did not like to wear them but he loved to collect them special stuff. He'd asked her not to worry too much and stay positive. Bern was a lovely child, naïve and yet mature. Sometimes he was talking not to a twelve year old but an equal. It was a blessing. Tomo hugged his checkered cushion and closed his eyes. Even if I die, I'll be contented. But I don't want to die yet, I've not finished doing what I want. Tears trickled silently.

He hurriedly grabbed a tissue and swabbed them away. I must not pity myself. I've got a lot of people who care about me. I'm not dying yet! I know it.

Hidden at the back of his bookshelf was a will. A draft. Did not want to touch it, coz it stank of death. Hirosaki didn't want to think about it, hurt too much. Broke his aching heart. Everytime he was in despair, he'd read and reread it, fearing he would just drop dead suddenly, not a chance to bid goodbye. This was too dark a subject even for his young friend. No one must know. Reluctantly he slipped out the crumpled paper. Willed his father's land to be sold, his mother's jewellery, he still had not decided who to pass the troupe's leadership to. Man, it gave a migraine. Alan his manager was better at these stuff, he knew lawyers. Tomo needed to chat with one. He needed someone to discuss with.

The door opened. Tomo squashed it under his black book guiltily. "Can I clean your room?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
His sister swept up invisible dust and picked up his casting clothes. He searched for an envelope to put his will, it mustn't fall into the wrong hands. "Why are you so white? Something wrong?"  
  
"No! I mean, I'm exhausted. I was just falling asleep," he corrected, lying down, shoving the paper into a drawer and closed it. No I won't look at it again. Meanwhile,......  
  
Saito was having a harder and harder time claming down in front of the proud and strutting peacock Touga. He didn't stick to the script and loved making the fans scream for encores, waving, blowing them kisses. So disgusting! He wanted to just bash him up. whenever he got back, Tomo acted sullen, ignoring him completely Ignoring also what he was saying. It provoked the big man so much he goaded him,  
  
"No doubt you trust the little one more than me. I'm your brother, you don't even care! Huh? I've gotta run so many things about the troupe. Touga, I told you he's a good-for-nothing brat. [Hirosaki you ungrateful ototochan!]" The jing actor just nonchalantly sighed, picked some string off his cushion. He laid on his belly. Engrossed in a nature magazine. "Bewitched."  
  
"I'm not. I just treat her like my sister, a friend. There is nothing wrong."  
  
"Nothing? Don't gimme that, you're soft hearted too long. You got yourself into this state because you didn't wan to resign completely. You now you can't overstrain yourself. Now see? You'e a wreck!"  
  
Tomo scowled at the lecture, flushed. Lips white. "AND we wanna help you, so we go to temple and pray. You won't accept our help, claiming we want to convert you. As if we would! You're too stubborn for this."  
  
"Shut UP," the younger man hissed, sitting up.  
  
"Don't tell Me to shut up."  
  
"You have no right to comment!" Tomo retorted a little loudly, upright and pale, except for his cheeks "I didn't get sick because I like acting. You love to rake up the past don't you? I perform too much is that right? This is my life and I will perform to the end! Bernadette is My Friend, stop being biased against her." The words hung in the air between the two men. Tomo gasped for breath, anger and hurt and resentment coursing through his body. Plus he didn't ask to be sick why didn't anyone spare him this blow? Saito glared, purple from restraining his arm for a slap. Then the young man's form went limp, he dropped his book and keeled over. Almost, Saito had stepped forward to grasp him, support him.  
  
_Pure agony & bedridden_  
  
"Call the doc! Kenni, hurry!" No reply. "Tomo, lie still. What is it?"  
  
"No... need," the patient whispered feebly. Tomo was shocked at his sudden drainage of energy. His vision was blackening.  
  
"Does it hurt?" Rough calloused fingers brushed his forehead for fever. He got sweat. Hirosaki coughed, screwing up his visage, whimpering.  
  
"Yeah, but... not ... much.... Do not call... I feel better." Really it was scary to wake up in hospital. Last time he lay there felt like the angel of death was about to receive him. Tears prickled at the sides, but too much agony stopped him from weeping. "I was agitated."  
  
"I'm sorry, Tomo. I shouldn't have gone mad at you. It's gonna be alright. We'll call a doctor to make sure." The patient's breathing was labored, he wavered between shock and cold, and haziness. Then he sucked in a gasp, tightening his hold on Saito's arm. He couldn't hear. Please, please I don't want to faint. Please don't make me faint yet.  
  
Where is the darn doctor? Kenni shrugged, telling them she would ind the painkillers.  
  
At one point Hirosaki screamed, rising from his lying down on the couch. His brother pressed him down, pressed him still. A fast heaving chest and white little face told Saito he was going to succumb, soon. Sweat beaded on the sides of his face, his lips struggled to speak but he couldn't.  
  
"Where are the painkillers?" Saito yelled  
  
"No No! Won't take...." He closed his eyes, diving into unconsciousness once more, he gripped Saito's arm in a wretched stronghold.  
  
"Get a grip, now isn't the time to argue. QUICK!" The artist was too much in delirium now, gritting his teeth as a fresh wave spread paralyzing him in its relentless grip. "She's here." They pried open his lips and slipped a pill on his tongue. Coaxed to drink. Tomo sipped. Another wave of pain struck. His grip hardened on the hold of Saito's fingers. Hours later, the agony slipped from him as a fish out of water. His vision was getting less black, now he could see colour.  
  
"OK now?" Both of them echoed, lowering him down. He nodded. Bow his ex classmate came into view, allowing the patient to grasp his hand now.  
  
"We'll get those soaked clothes away from you hm?"  
  
"Tired..."  
  
"Yeah we'll help." Tomo trembled from extreme poor health and sudden iciness. Bow was the only guy who kept in touch with Tomo and always came when he Most needed someone to standby. He recommended many renouned cancer specialists to examine him. Tomo silently fingered his friend's shoulder until he was too exhausted to keep awake and slipped away into another world.

Two days passed wih Hirosaki completely bedded. It was so bad. He needed painkillers every hour, otherwise he would scream like a crazy man. Kenni cried often. Then he gradually was able to get up with some help, bathe away his body odour of lying in his sweat! and eat dinner by himself seated up in bed. It was lucky Bern hadn't chosen to come coz Tomo didn't want her to see him in such a derelict state. The actor always liked to look his best. Definitely not now.  
  
Initially he thought he would panic, had to totally forget about leaving his bed. It was so agonizing to eat, he puked everything as soon as he had. It left a bitter aftertaste. His classmate cleaned him up, rushed him to the restroom if possible to hold it in. Kenni also was a wonderful help. The actor felt so grateful for their assistance.  
  
"You must go back to your work, Bow. Your work must not be neglected."  
  
"I can't. I'll stay with you to make sure you're all right. What if something happened?"  
  
Tomo smiled pushing his checker forward. Bow short for Benedict, and the nick was because of his anchor chain from his chest. "Then how about it?"  
  
"Closed a deal. Lots of money to spend now. [guffawed] and relax! Want to move this way? Sure?"  
  
"Sure whatever. Can't hope to win you. You're the Brain. Too kind to me."  
  
"you will be lonely. Do not deny. I know how hurt you get when people don't return your kindness. Too much! You're always so considerate, yet they can't even come and help, what are friends for?" his friend grumbled, wiping Tomo's sweat with a cloth. The patient perspired a lot though the room was air conditioned.  
  
"Acting is busy. I myself do not know what time is what. That's ok, they must be busy too. [shifted his Bishop forward] tell you about my acting. I make good profit on the weekends and days fully booked. Happy! My present understudy is taking my role, he's good, but, not humble." Hirosaki sneezed, tossing raven shiny hair behind his shoulder, wishing he could tie it up and it would stay up. "It'd be better if he were. I'll see how it goes. He himself may feel the great impact if he's still like this later on."  
  
Bow watched quietly. If only they could exchange their health for his. Kennex secretly called him when Tomo slept so he could come. Otherwise the actor would insist he not come. Everytime he came, Tomo seemed even worse, ........ from actively running about he was reduced to a bedridden patient. The really bad days, Tomo named them, laughing. Now Hirosaki had stopped believing in the doctors, preferring to rest in his home. It wasn't wise to push him, though it might do some good to.  
  
"Happy birthday."  
  
"Over already. Thank you for this. What is it....." Bow smiled, saying this to console him for he noticed the sadness and crestfallen look on his friend's pale features. "Cool! It fits nicely. Thanks so much. You give me lovely gifts!"  
  
"Weeeell, a Libra has excellent fashion taste," Tomo replied, laid back his head abruptly drained. Even talking was tiring.


	7. Hearts breaking

**Chapter 7**

Sorry it was so long since this update. I hope u guys didn't forget about this fic already. Thank u, really appreciate if u review!

"I'm not tired, don't go Bow. Don't leave me alone here," Hirosaki whined when his companion rose. His hand was cold, sweaty. He was like a sick child. In many ways why didn't he get better? What was the matter with all these scientists? What was happening to the Cancer research? Did it come to a standstill already? So many questions, no answers. Gently he returned the patient's squeeze until Hirosaki relaxed, muttering he was sorry to bother him.

"I love the present," the muscular guy told him, adding he would wear the lovely silver watch when he went out next time. "Here, get changed." He tossed him a fresh Tshirt.

Kenni, his sister, threw Bow a worried glance when the door shut. Muffled coughing.

"He is better. We played chess and I won." She laughed. He loved to do that. Thye formed a close wonderful trio, him, Tomo and Kenni. Unlike other girls who were petty and noisy she wasn't. She would do a lot of things independently, with the female qualities included. She could sing in a talented way. In fact what happened to her performances? He didn't ask why. Bow took a Miranda from the fridge and poured himself a cup.

There was no reason to quit performance arts. Kenni certainly didn't suffer from stage fright. She was a daring singer, graceful, blooming, daring, a persona worlds apart from her timid self.

"Why?" he murmured.

"Pardon?"

"Why did you stop acting?" Bow decided to chance it. She stayed silent. "I'm curious, honest. You're very good. Is it because of Tomo being ill and stuff?"

"He never stopped me from doing what I loved. Reluctant yes, but once I did go upstage he didn't. his father-------- forbade it. He caned my brother for giving me the male role and slapped me. Now Tomo is sick. How can I, be so selfish and self centred, to act while he is bedridden? He will be hurt and frustrated. Oh no, did he hear?" she cried out, paling.

The big man drained his drink and started to run the tap. She sat down, covering her face. Then she wrung her skirt.

"He wouldn't be tight minded."

"I can't."

"Come on let's go and ask Tomo right now. Don't waste your talent. It's unfair. He will understand." Kenni refused, clasping her hands to her chest area. Bow stared, then it dawned on him, his friend loved Tomo. Not as sister, but the special relationship type, girlfriend way.

"I made a pact with the Goddess of Mercy, if he's better. I'll give up everything. I'll not eat meat, if Tomo can get a remission stage. If I don't indulge perhaps she will see it as a worthy reward and cure his sickness. I want him to recover!" Kenni reiterated. The man shook his head, about to come closer to her.

A curse and stuff dropping. Tomo! Both of them ran into the bedroom afraid he had collapsed. The patient was seated on the floor, clad in a chimpanzee t shirt. Both of them helped him back to his bed.

"Sorry, I thought I would, honestly, cope with...." He laughed. His closest companions scowled, reminding him of his limits and not to overstrain himself. Tomo took his sis' hand and sat down, less boisterous.

"What were you talking about, girl? Giving up everything for me?"

"You heard wrong. I merely want to be a devoted Buddhist."

"Don't lie to me. I heard almost all of it, if you like the stage, I will let you go. Saito can coach you, wait, I can..... I'm sure of it. Free lessons. Imagine," Hirosaki's face lit up eager to plan his would-be days. Kenni told him he must be dreaming and be more realistic.

"Go to sleep. It's my willingness, I won't change my mind. You must get back on your feet anyways. Before doing such things. I promised the Goddess. I can't take it back."

Her brother looked very sad, lying back with a defeated sadness. "You got the ability. Why give it all up? I can see it, it's not being hidden.....talk to me if you want to. I can get you there. No problem. Promise me?" Kenni nodded, fluffing up his pillows. Tomo stroked her cheek tenderly with a thin trembling hand, pushed her hair behind.

"You're so kind to me.... I'll sleep now. bye." He said emphatically like a child.

_Longing_

Bern got no answer. She'd been calling his number for days. Could it have changed? At least better check it out with his sister. Hopefully he wasn't worse. She would hang on longer.

"Hello," the tired voice was a man's, but he didn't sound like her friend. He introduced himself as Benedict. He asked her to please wait. A minute later Tomo sempai came on at last, husky,

"Hi Bern! I'm sorry I did not call or write anything."

"Yeah I was so damn worried for you Tomo! How are you today? Can I come to your place?"

"So how was your vacation? Oh I'm fine now. It was really tiring these days. I slept a lot. Maybe you could come tomorrow instead? I'm under the weather at the moment," the actor replied softly, speaking slowly. Bern clenched the receiver. She told him she'd been at a great camp. It was fun.

"Only I called but there wasn't any answer."

"Gomen nasai, I must have been sleeping. The phone was off the hook. I've been ill. I can't possibly sleep with it intact or I'd have a headache. Gomen, do forgive me?" the man asked. It seemed like he was very sad, lonely. Tomo coughed some and then returned with a hello again. "Anyway the doc told me to take it easy and rest. Tell me more about camp?"

Bern reaffirmed how much she wanted to see him. Tomo paused a while, then said, "I'll check with Kenni if it's ok. Ok! You could come, maybe three o'clock?"

"Great! I will come. See ya!"

Benedict came to the gate. He wore the largest anchor chain she'd ever seen and had short blond hair. As he strolled over to the gate to open it, she noticed a little moustache. His blue eyes smiled sincerely.

"I trust you're Bernadette. Come in." She caught his hand and asked if her friend was very pale........What if he looked very skeletal? Cancer patients seldom had a good appetite. Tomo must have thrown up and everything, though he hadn't told her. Naturally he would keep his discomfort from her as she was too young.

The house was the same, quiet and tranquil. The fan overhead whirled at normal speed. Bern saw a figure seated languidly lengthwise, reading a novel. His face was white, hollowed out, a hook drip was attached to a nearby stand behind. Sweat trickled down making his skin gleam. This was Hirosaki-san, almost unrecognizable. Except for his hair she wouldn't have said hi.

The patient looked up, a grin creasing his lips. He patted a chair beside his, sitting up straighter. The veins on his wrist looked like green branches up his arm, they were not there previously. Pale lips.

"You look browner, so cute! I on the other hand must look pale by comparison," he teased. Almost sarcastically, he felt jealous of her? Bern twisted her hair. Then she remembered the flower basket.

"These are for you, I've been in the sun so much. I disliked the mosquitoes. Tomo sempai, you're very hot? Shall I make the fan faster?"

"No, no, if you do, I will be cold. That better?" Tomo rubbed his face with his sleeve. "I perspire a lot from the medicine I take. Would you like a drink?" His thin hand stroked the petunias and placed it on the glass table. He wore white and dark trousers.

"Yea, but you don't need to stand. I'll get it myself."

Tomo sempai seemed distracted and agreed. His hands went into the pockets. [Too late, I've already seen those veins] "Tomo, sure you're ok?"

He smiled again, pulling a cushion to hug. "Fine. I'm happy when I don't feel the pain. Say,...I wrote a new play. Like to read it? I'd like your comments and criticisms. No, it would hurt my feelings if you refuse child. Wait, you need a pen." The opera artiste searched the pencil holder made of wood until he found one. Bow served her the coke, the droplets sweating on the surface. It was cool and refreshing. _If only Tomo-sempai would tell me how he is truly feeling_.

But if he did, I might get worried. He once told me nagging is irritating.

"Bernadette, I have to say this. Thank you."

"Why, what for? It _is_ my friendship that I should come." The girl put down her drink in case it slipped for it was so smooth and damp.

The young man suddenly had tears in his eyes. He swallowed, leaned forward to clasp her by the hands. He took a breath, then tried to return to his normal public self. Only now it failed, for he looked pointedly agonizing.

"Thank you because you came. I have been awfully lonely. Except for Bow. I don't want to be hospitalized," he choked out, shaking. Bow tactfully held him by the shoulders. Bern said she liked him.

Tomo let go, sat back more confidently. "Gomen, I must have frightened you. [rubbed his nose] it's just, I'm so appreciative of your visit. I was critically ill. Yet, I felt extremely isolated." He flushed for the first time. Bern came forward and sat closer to him, touched his hand.

"I know, you must be sad and miserable."

A tenderness filled his voice, she didn't look up, leaning on his shoulder. "Will you be my daughter? I haven't got a child of my own.... I feel we're closer than friends. Temporarily, can you?" She was shocked. She jerked up. It was luckily unnoticed by her friend, he was holding tightly the handkerchief dripping with his sweat.

"You don't have to. I don't blame you," he added softly, returning his intelligent gaze to her. Bern shook her head and hugged him. She felt his sharp intake of breath.

"I don't mind."

"Um. You must think I'm crazy." Tomo's forehead gleamed perspiration. Bow asked him to rest. "I'm ok. Really. I mustn't be too agitated, the doc's instructions....... Bernie you can take the script home to read. I'm very sleepy now. Just send it to me when you're done."

He closed his eyes. "Goodbye." She told him------it was curable. He should have faith and go to a good doctor.

Hirosaki didn't speak, and as soon as the door shut he sniffled. _[What for? Doctor after doctor but no result, now my condition has worsened. I would most probably be dead soon! Bern, why can't you heal me? Why, how could you tell me to be hospitalized? I thought you'd be more caring. ]_

Pained hurt wet escalated into the pillows. Benedict touched his shoulder his face pulsing with pity. "I'm exhausted. I'd better sleep ne?"


	8. Transformation of the inner self

**Soulmates**

**Chapter 8 **

Another day when Bern came to visit Hirosaki, he was in a red checkered shirt and jeans. His ponytail swung merrily. His paleness had vanished and he seemed to be in high spirits. Bern returned the script. She simply loved stories, put into drama.

"The story was so absorbing. I love Mitsune's role. She sounds just like a real person."

"Aw. Shucks. Have you eaten? Have a seat, I'll bring you some chocolate chip brownies. I made them myself this morning."

Her friend watched eagerly while she munched. He was very intense. "Um, it tastes quite good. I like it. Can I ------"

"Have more? Sure, try more. It's my second attempt. I find baking enjoyable," he bubbled cheerfully. She saw a rectangular portrait of a scene outside the house. A woman had been painted in, not smiling. 'Why not? Is Tomo sempai feeling down?'

"Hey this is a nice picture, Tomo. When did you start?"

"Yesterday, when I got bored. I'd like to continue. Would you like to help me?" She smiled and started to refuse. Nowadays with her choir and band practice she scarcely had the time. She'd taken two weeks to read his script. She couldn't often come.

_Four days ago:_

"Bern, I missed you. Why didn't you come for so long?" he'd mentioned on the telephone, a bit piqued.

"I am quite busy."

The silence informed her of his hurt, normally he was a chatty persona. It had been tense, lasting up to 6 milliseconds. "Tomo sempai, are you all right? Are you still there?"

"Yes. Sorry, I thought you're angry at me. Sorry about my rudeness. Your life is different. I understand really_. laughing almost forcibly, so sharp it hurt_ I am such a spoilt child. Do forgive me."

Now Tomo was pulling absently at his ponytail. "Bern, why are you so silent?"

The girl sucked her thumb, pondering how to arrange her words more tactfully instead of straightaway grumbling on how lousy her life was turning out.

"I'm very very busy. Now, I could help you." He smiled, indicating he would go and get the water and brushes. They spent a fruitful day touching up on the layers, making the trees more green. Tomo wasn't tired at all, maybe his positive attitude was changing the way things turned out.

"Will you go into the hospital? They can help you, got many specialists on cancer." she had to know before he sent her off. His lips tightened, the eyes glazed over as if to numb himself from the impact.

"Yes. Soon. Thank you for advising me. But I'm scared." His voice took on a vulnerable side outsiders knew nil about. Bernadette felt helpless, afraid he would start to cry.

"I will get very tired and stuff. I'll check in with my brother. Do you think I can do my normal activities in there? Will I be able to have privacy?"

She reassured him as best as she could. Tomo became cheerful when she said goodbye, hugging her. She was some way down the road when she realized he'd clasped a chain around her neck. It was a silver necklace with her name engraved on it.

_2 Months past_

On the night before the 20th of September, Kenni was packing Tomo's personal belongings. He said he wanted to read over his books and decide which ones to bring along. Her packing ended up filling two large knapsacks. "So many? Where'll I find space for them?" her brother exclaimed, not in an offended way.

"All you need." He stuffed some novels into one of them. When he looked up, the girl noticed his anxiety. "C'mon we'll stay with you for a while. You don't have to take treatments until later."

He nodded, glancing around his room. He was going to miss it. He'd to stay for at least a month. Wearing the same clothes, eating bland food, lie down on a lousy pallet, and if he checked into wards, with people worse off than he was, he would have no one for company. Kennex was explaining what she would cook for him. He wanted to cancel the appointment. In the outpatients', when Saito had ordered him to sit down and spoken to the doctor, a silly fear overwhelmed him. Tomo felt like running away and hiding. Or committing suicide. Why did he have to check in? he could still rest at home. Then the nice doc spoke to him.

After doing a thorough checkup, being moved from room to room, Tomo felt exhausted. The results showed his stomach cancer had spread again. Tomo was so frustrated he shouted and threw the chair at the floor, gaining his wits! He started to hurl his X-rays out of the window. The nurses ran to pick them up. Saito was not impatient but held him tightly. He didn't cry, became totally numb, and felt like he'd died inside. Drained of his hopes. He'd asked God why this had to happen.

No answer. Expected.

Strangely when he came home he wasn't scared. He felt like a kid, jumping about. Only at night did he toss and turn from lack of sleep. The painting helped a little, calming his nerves. Until now it had been fine.

"Please come and visit me everyday," he told her his voice wobbly. She smiled and kissed his cheek. Now he wanted to weep, but she was strong.

"Have an early night. I got you a stuffed pig."

"Hey arigatou! It's so kawaii no da. What time will I have to go?" In his room when everyone had retired, he couldn't sleep at all, crying painfully, feeling terribly homesick.

_Morning. The 20th of September._

Tomo knew it was unavoidable he had to go. He stared at his tired pale visage in the glass. Kenni knocked calling him out for breakfast. "Wait... I'll be out soon," His hand reached for the comb, pulled gently through his stray black hair. He'd to be careful or they'd start falling out in clumps. The white fingers rubbed rouge on his cheeks to show a good hue. He chose his sunshine yellow Tshirt to wear out.

"Tomo!"

"Yeah I'm coming." He said sulkily. Breakfast was delicious but his appetite was gone. He ate slowly and sullenly. Kenni and Saito watched intently. The drive there was beautiful, they passed the trees, the forest outside their place. Children were laughing playing, their holidays. If only he could be relaxed too, he'd give anything to be young and healthy again! Tomo closed his eyes, tears threatening to prickle. Alan had come along, but didn't say a word. His hand on his shoulder was comforting.

The bedroom.... An ugly plain white one. The room smelled of sick, vomit and medicine. Tomo wrinkled up his nose in distaste. Eugh. Three other patients hooked up to their chemotherapy stared like zombies to him. The opera singer turned his back on them. Alan took his arm. "Here, lie down. Make yourself rest, you didn't sleep well."

A lump rose in the guy's throat. If only they wouldn't leave him like this, he would soon turn into a zombie as well!! Numb, the raven haired artiste lay down. The doctor wrote a lot on his board, twitched his spectacles and murmured to his relatives. _'Talk to me idiot!' he screamed silently. 'I'm the patient here.' _He did then, like clockwork and told him to wear his hospital gown by the lunch break. Tomo listened with dread as the man announced his treatment schedules in the order they would happen. Twice a month, beginning and end of the month next. This Sep, he'd just need to rest and they'd do plenty of bloodtests for him.

Kenni hugged him, told him to be brave. By then his brother had left to organize the opera troupe for their next performance at 11am. "Why didn't he say goodbye to me?"

"He did, Tomo-san. You were dreaming just now," Alan informed him. Tomo struggled valiantly to hold back his tears and smiled weakly at his friends. Sleep- eluded until lunch time. The nurses nagged him to get changed. This shift's head: Florence. Hirosaki was determined he not be cooperative, but be angry at everyone and make things difficult. He snapped at them sarcastically, as how he treated them at home and reluctantly pulling on the stiff hot clothing. It was bright green. Then he laid upon the hard pillow.

_Transformation/ The inner self_

"Get up for lunch, you!" 

"I don't want to eat, can't I? Just leave me alone!" Florence forced him up, spoon fed him. He resisted fiercely. Unseen, Alan had stayed, his heart felt like it was being pricked by hot coals. Hirosaki was so stubborn and full of frustration, he refused to be sensible. Perhaps they should have talked to the doctor about his uncooperativeness. The patient looked his way. He averted his face.

"I want to die! Don't you get it? Stop forcing me to eat! I want to die!" the patient yelled, fighting to rise from the bed. He was crying painfully. Some food trays clattered to the ground.

"Please lie down, you'll make it worse." Alan couldn't bear to watch and walked off. "Hey! Hey, stop! You fucker why are you turning away from me? Get back here, coward!"

Alan sat with Tomo, watching him restrained by cuffs. The patient's face was flushed, sweaty and he constantly muttered curse words. "Why do you behave like this? Won't change anything. Just be good can't you?"

Tomo smiled bitterly, Which no one had expected or seen him do so. "Easy for you. You've never been in this state of helplessness, pain, torment," he spat. The manager kept silent, in shock. Hirosaki restrained his cuffs until he felt too worn out and fell back, sweating heavily. He appealed to all the staff to release him and when they refused, he became angry once more and threatened to call the cops. Railing at the top of his voice.

Nightfall. Tomo was reasonably subdued and apologized to Alan. "Gomen, I didn't wish you to see the devil in me.... Neither do I want anyone else to..... I am so tired. Really tired to be like this. But it makes me scared. I'm a spoilt child right?"

The visitor smiled wanly, rubbing his eyes. Tomo immediately asked him to go home for a break. "Yeah Tomo, I almost forgot... you asked me to find you a lawyer sometime ago. I did. When do you want to see him?"

The patient made a face and took his mobile phone. "I'll make an appointment. I want to be prepared. Thank you so much Alan. You're a real friend."

Saito spent much of his time coaching the young stars. 'Actually in the opera it isn't a life cut out for people who want to enjoy life. It is a life of hardship.' He marveled at how his patience would still maintain when he wanted to blow up, and wondered how Tomo was so patient. His ototo chan...... he hadn't got the time to visit him, even when he promised him he would. Tomo must feel so isolated in there. He'd been so melancholic, according to Alan.

Another youngster again asked him to explain the concept of using his voicebox for the millionth time. Saito sucked in a tired breath. He was almost grateful when the all shining glory star Touga came. They threw themselves at his feet and he regaled them with his own version.

"That's the wrong technique! Nobody should sing like you! They'd die of throat infection. You breathe from the diaphragm," the senior told him sarcastically. The newbie was coughing badly.

"I'm trying to help out. We all should be exemplifying our leader. That is what you taught me." Saito thought he'd burst a blood vessel. This boy didn't have any manners or anyone to kick his ass! He stormed away, unwilling to concede defeat but Touga was too energetic for him to win.

Hirosaki had a fever that refused to cool down on the 3rd October. He was very unhappy with his damned immune system that he fumed and ranted at his visitors. Bow didn't budge until Tomo was lucid, and the fever was running amok for the next few days. Ignorant to the fact that he was hurting all his loved ones.

"Hey why aren't you isolating me?" he remarked drily when his best friend sat beside him. "This stupid body of mine. Why aren't I dead yet?"

"Don't be stupid. You're going to get better...." Bow cried, grasping him by the shoulders. "Try not to think too much."

"It won't change. I won't get better. Sorry. I'm not in a sunshine mood today. Look, I'll try to think positive," he promised half heartedly, for his sake. Machines beeped softly at an even tone to monitor the patient's heartbeat and every few hours a nurse would come check on him, take temperature and blood pressure.

"Don't worry Tomo chan. You just lie down and sleep. Don't need to chat with me if you're tired. Just sleep. I won't peep." The artiste smiled, squeezed his hand and slid down until he was on his back again. "How come you changed your ward?"

"I was under the aircon's direct blow. If I didn't change I'd become a human ice cube! I'm sorry, I was such an asshole," he laughed. It was a carefree laugh. Bow was happy------------ it meant he was feeling a lot better.

"Moodswings, the secret behind the shining star."

"Stop teasing," he smoothed his black hair behind his ears, pretending not to notice the coming out in clumps. His hair was much shorter now; they had insisted they cut some off. Now his hair only touched the back of his shoulders. It had taken years to grow out. '_Stop this pondering! My friend is here.' The voice scolded. At least I'm not bald. _

Bernadette proved to be a star guest as well when she was free. She only came at weekends and alternate Wednesdays. Tomo was concerned she shouldn't spend time in here with an invalid. She ought to be playing outside.

"I'm your soulmate. I should come. You're lonely."

"C'mon, I'm not. I talk to plenty of people. If you're too tired stay home and rest." He blew his nose on a tissue. "I've got a bad cold. Don't want to infect you. One of the side effects of chemo."

She often brought nice baskets of flowers, from the shop downstairs. They were costly. He didn't wish to hurt her feelings, but felt terrible when she turned up with them. Nevertheless he enjoyed the flowers, his friends did not bother to buy anything. These businessmen and salesmen looked very awkward and Hirosaki would rather be quiet than talk to them. Seeing their stiff white shirts and ties, he was regretful they had to take time off their busy schedules to come. This terrible tension was unbearable.

"Gomen nasai, watashi daijobu ka. I'm sorry for bothering you, I'm fine now," he had to obligingly say. These acquaintances, not friends, smiled plastic smiles and breezed off, never heard of again.


	9. Letters II and a romance

**Soulmates 9**

_What do u think of this new update? I normally don't do romances but this one was irresistible! _

_**Letters II**_

_Dear Tomo-chan,_

_Hi how are you today? I was very happy to receive your phonecall. You're such a thoughtful person. Sorry I haven't been able to write to you in a while. So do you have many visitors? I hope you are not too bored._

_The other weekend when I saw you, you looked much better, it's the cool and fresh air in the gardens right? You can receive good treatment and high quality of care in the hospital. Are they very nice to you? If you feel pain, do tell them. They are paid to do it. And yeah it isn't bothering them. These people have a very generous calling to help their patients. I heard from an aunt that this hospital has top facilities to research on cancer. So I know you'll be well soon. _

_What do you usually do when you aren't sleeping? Read, paint, write? Hmm, I think that you will not likely write since you're tired easily. Does your room face the trees? I think there will be many birds there. We can often chat face to face but somehow, writing letters communicates much deeper meanings and feelings. How about your opinion?_

_Well you asked about school and usually I said it's fine. It is technically. You should not worry too much, rest more. I have plenty of assignments, activities and stuff until 8 pm at least. I wish I didn't have to wake up so early, sigh.... The most interesting thing in my life is my instrument, the flute. It's a Chinese instrument isn't it? I love it, though it is hard to muster playing it. The breathing is important. What instruments do you like? I think you have high aesthetics, a _

_love and genuine passion for the arts. People say art is stupid and doesn't contribute to society. I don't think so. It's the most beautiful stuff on earth! Definitely it doesn't make a lot of money but it fulfils our soul. _

_Friends wise..... I have a few close friends in the band. They are not too snobbish and are quite cute and playful. It's too bad we're too busy to go have fun. _

_Ok my mum is calling me for dinner now. Gotta go!_

_God bless your health,_

_Bernadette_

_Hi Bern-chan,_

_I'm so excited to receive your letter today. I'm feeling really ill after throwing up. It's a sort of stomach bug, or side effects of medication. Food makes me sick._

_Um yea the hospital people are very kind to me. They are usually friendly and willing to help. Like when I can't walk too much or throw up which is gross to clean but they are without a complaint. Only 1 or 2 people are grumpy. I know they must be irritable due to some reason of personal stuff..... the worst is Dr Alex Bell, she's always complaining about her workload. We all loath her. The nurses are ok, they often tell us about their homes and family. One girl is only 16 and is learning the ropes. She is so friendly._

_My room is facing the trees. The birds sing every morning! It's such a beautiful melody. I feel that God is closer to us than we can imagine. The other day I saw a bird with many colors, I think it's a hummingbird. The tree flowers attract so much life. Being sick here, I realize that I have missed out on many things of nature in my usual busy schedule. I like the peace and serenity here in my room. It's sad that the others don't feel inclined to chat with me, my neighbor Shawn is usually reserved and quiet. Other than saying hi and introduction, he doesn't talk anymore. The rest are grumpy. I feel tired being positive and they are just the opposite of me. But I should be anyway or you wouldn't want to come. Ah yes good news, my hair is growing back again! I can pull a tail like I used to. Don't worry I won't scare you being bald, I'll wear a wig if that happens. _

_Sleeping. I do it a lot. Or I read half heartedly. Reading too much exhausts me as does writing. Now I'm okay because I slept 13 hours. Like a small baby. I wish I could paint some more, I think it is healthy and not as tiring as reading. Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm in bed so much. _

_Wow flute! It's so nice. Keep it up! The arts is not stupid, those are ignorant boorish people. Everything is art, drawing, music, songs.... It's around us. How can they say that without seeing whether they enjoy music or songs? They are all a form of art. It doesn't earn much, still money isn't the most important in this world. Our soul is constantly hungry for fulfillment, loneliness, depression for instance. Art is a way of communication too. I agree with you. You know you're quite mature, which amazes me. _

_Write back, take care too,_

_Tomo sempai_

_Dear Tomo chan,_

_Are you all right now? It must be terrible to throw up your food. Eat something light like biscuits. Yoghurt is ok too. _

_Mature, sheez that is such a large compliment! Thanks so much. I don't know but sometimes I think a lot about life. It's tiring to stay positive Tomo, but keep it up! It's much better to be happy and sunny than being down. Bow told me sometimes you're angry and frustrated and you usually don't show it to others. It's alright to vent your anger when you're hurting. As long as it isn't too much of the time okay? It's the agony which tends to worsen your mood and temper right? You're very brave anyway. _

_It's nice you're happier there, I was worried about you. Wow, those people sound truly mean and ogre like. Yuck. I wouldn't like them too. Look for the nice staff, then you won't feel so angry and depressed. Some people are just bad at handling their own temperaments and vent it on others. It's not fair for you. For your neighbor maybe he's too sick to talk too much. _

_Even if you're bald or sick or frustrated I will still be your friend. I will stand by you, you need our love and support as you have for us, I'm speaking on behalf of Kenni and the others. What about her, are you going to ask her to be your girlfriend?_

_God Bless,_

_Bern_

Although Tomo sempai was often tired from treatments and physiotherapy, he cheered up quickly when his young friend came by. He was always courteous in listening more than talking and interrupting. Bern knew it was due to his immense pain that he was unable to sit up at times. Yet he made the effort to smile, hiding his discomfort. They chatted about a lot of things, he added softly a word here and there. Only avoided the subject of his illness, which Tomo refused to mention.

"We should be happy. My pain is a small part of it. I feel tired if you ask me everyday." Then the patient sat up straighter, gesturing out the window. The most beautiful singing greeted the pair. "Can you spot the little bird? It's very colorful. It's always singing at this time, morning."

At first she could not spot it and Tomo was patient. He took her hand and urged her to see this way. "Shh, remember. Not too loud, it's so cute right? Do you see it?"

The girl smiled and did not shout when she planned to at first. At the childlike wonder on his face, Bernadette felt unexplained joy welling up inside. He looked free of agony and hurt. When a sick person is happy, we should learn from them, the spirit of simplicity and contentment.

She noticed that he still kept the customary ponytail he usually wore. It felt reassuring. He'd clarified that he would try not to scare her. Even though he laughed Bernadette was saddened.

"Um Tomo sempai are you still painting? I'd be honoured to help you." There was a small brush at his desk. He nodded.

"I'd like to do one, a new one of unicorns and fairies, but I don't have the paints. Next time you go to my house could you take them for me? They are in my room, the third drawer from above. Thanks. Oh paper as well." He stopped to drink some water. His hand was bony. Dark circles under his eyes.

"That's nice. It's good you're being positive," she remarked, dropping her gaze.

"Hmmm, I'm not feeling up to it. I'm still trying very hard. Well, if there are some missing colors, I used a lot the previous time, I'll give you the money to purchase them. Bern, thank you. I always feel better when you turn up."

Afterwards, he hardly spoke. Half an hour, the girl stood up. The patient slid down and pulled the coverlet up to his chest. He said goodbye to her and indicated that he'd like to sleep. She held his hand for awhile until he breathed deeply.

"It's ok if you're too busy to make it. I can cope. I'm not a child," the patient said softly, eyes still closed. The girl brushed his hair once and left.

It was not the truth. Actually Tomo_ did _feel extremely lonely and empty if no one came. The time would crawl. It was very isolating. That's the problem if you're better but you don't, can't move. It sucks. If he'd been in the pangs of agony he'd be rendered still and fidgety coz the sheets would stick to his skin. Making sudden moves would cause aching or sudden cutting thorns into his chest. Tomo sometimes wished he could kill himself. But his conscience would stop him. If only there was someone to standby always so he would be occupied. His moodscould becomeso empty that he did not even want to paint or read, the unread magazines were still piled high.

Half heartedly the patient lifted up a book about fashion and read about it. He imagined Kenni wearing the season dresses and smiled to himself. When he told her how much he appreciated and loved her, he would buy her an engagement ring. When she was ready he'd make good his personal pact to marry her. Kennex wa so kind and devoted to him, she deserved his reciprocation. He cheered up at the thought and put away his depression.

The bird sang outside his window.

_**Fine Romance**_

"Hi! What food did you bring this time? I am hungry," the man said cheerily, as Kenni deposited flowers and a tiffin carrier on the table. He had combed his hair and tied a short ponytail, looking much better. His shirt was fresh, not crumpled. The sheets were clean too. Yesterday he was slumped and sulking even with company.

"Really? Today it's your favourite soup. Ginseng Soup," the woman replied, helping him to wind up the bed.

"Cool! I'll drink some." Tomo tried to finish a bowlful, an improvement from only mere sips previously. He looked apologetic that he couldn't finish.

"It's ok. You will throw up if you're too full. Ask the nurse to feed you more when you're hungry. What is it?" He beckoned her to come closer and took her hand. His ambers were flecked with grey and misty. Was he about to cry? Her heart ached when he did, though he seldom cried in front of them. It was due to much cooped up stress and agony and he hates people to see him weak but nowadays he often had red eyes. Tomo hated to be hospitalized and sometimes would drive them away because he felt hurt they'd abandoned him. Or he'd be insanely cheerful the next. She felt his forehead.

"Kenni, I know about it."

"What?" she exclaimed, reddening. Who had told him?

"Why are you pretending still? I love you a lot too. Yes, in the Boyfriend way....." he chuckled, pulling her in a downward then they were kissing and embracing. She gasped her huge eyes bulging from shock. Tomo laughed when he released her. A genuine free laugh.

"Do you think I'm such a fool not to notice that you really am in love with me ? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I---I planned to, but not so soon. You're not angry at me?" she smiled hesitantly. Her idol shook his head. "Thank you."

"No I should thank you for being so strong and faithful to me. Even when I yelled and abused you. I was a beast. So shall we buy engagement rings when I can be discharged? Come let's plan for it. How about this Saturday? I feel better!"

It was too good, to be true. Kennex tucked her hair behind her ear and agreed. It would be alright. But her heart ached, what if he were to-------- succumb to this cancer? How could he possibly marry her then? The doctors hadn't been hopeful. And Tomo was uncooperatively pessimistic. So Saito said not to tell him the progression of the reports. He looked so happy for once, she couldn't reject him! It was stupid this way Fate was playing with them. If only Tomo was healthy and strong, it wouldn't be such a risk they had to gamble. Cancer had a habit of rearing up to ruin joyousness.

"Which shop do you want to go? Shall we get diamond or rubies or platinum? I want a unique design," he asked, circling a bold mark on the date. She kissed his pale cheek and then his nose.

_Don't let him die, God. I love him so much. He's more than a brother to me. My beloved Tomo chan. _

Then they embraced warmly, taking in the scents and sweated from the rising temperatures. Until he said they'd better stop or the nurse would see them and demand propriety . His face was flushed. Kenni remembered and told him to rest, take it easy. He shouldn't be too agitated, or he'd become sick.

"Ok, I know. I won't be too stressed. Hey how is my result? I'm recovering right? When can I go home?" the artiste wanted to know all of a sudden. Kenni pushed him onto the pillows and sat down, mind whirling. Luckily he soon left the topic and spoke about his recent hobby picked up.

"Starting last Wednesday we attended this workshop, they taught us to fold paper stuff, anything, frogs, birds, clothes..... such fun! I enjoyed them. I made you a pink flower." He sucked in a breath and scrunched up his face.

'Oh no! Sorry did I hurt you? I'll get the doctor..."

The pain was gone and Tomo smiled faintly, told her it was no problem. Sometimes, he related, it was only a little lapse. He closed his eyes for a moment's brief respite. Then whitened lips moved,

"I've always treated you like my baby sister. All that precious time wasted, when I could've kissed you and bedded you..... I must have been blind. Or perhaps too sick and caught up with life. Well now I've got a lot more time to think." Tomo sempai opened his slitted eyes and focused on his girlfriend. Reached out to touch her cheek and rested there. She was wet. He felt, but couldn't see very clearly, due to taking too much medicine.

Of course it was a secret. Tomo didn't fear blindness, the doctor told him it was a temporary condition. Once he recovered it'd return to normal. _Our bodies need incredibly dedicated care. I've gotta buck up and build up my immune system. Until I came here, I neglected myself. Darn! _

"Actually it's one of those unspoken things, I love you too. But I couldn't bring myself to say it, choosing to believe I was wrong. I also did not want to be your burden. I don't want you to feel stressed by me," he said tiredly, dropping his hand and bringing it to his forehead.

The visitor couldn't speak from sheer relief, that he knew and understood her. She told him of the progress in the troupe, omitting Touga's increasing snobbishness and Saito barely able to find substitutes for certain roles. Some plays were shortened as well to accommodate these changes. Only the finances were fine, they brought down the house in Selon City. Tomo listened quietly, his breathing the only movement. His fraility was dangerous, if he became agitated, he couldn't rest properly. So whether he believed her or not, she had no choice.He would never rest, if the quality of plays had become compromised.

Just hoped no one else gave him the bad news.

"All good news, that's cool. I can leave the running to all of you guys in peace," the soft hair concealed his eyes by wind. Tomo blew them up and they flopped again. Mirth broke out. He coughed. Kennex gave him a glass of water.

Bernadette saw from the doorway and smiled. Tomo-sempai was better and he had told her the truth, how much he liked her. There'd be a wedding! _Wow, weddings are so nice, especially my best friend's one!_

He placed the glass down and sank back, rubbing her tears off. "I must be nuts, being a child."

"It's ok. I like your natural self. Everyone can't wait for you to come back to the stage! Ganbatte kudasai," she added, more seriously. He didn't reply verbally, just smiled a small, sincere and content. Her hand rested upon his breastbone, sticking out, white. The doctor had told them to prepare for the worst, he might need an oxygen tank to help his breathing. He was very frail and might have pneumonia.

"Lie down now. You mustn't overstrain." The man slid down and pulled her hand to his lips.

_**Splash Art!**_

A unicorn flew into the paper, trailing blue stars behind its hooves. The elves and fairies surrounded him, carrying baskets of flowers, herbs. A rainbow was about to appear. Its artist, Tomo sempai, pondered how to make it, thin or fat. Now he was in a better mood to paint, a tad better he felt. The nausea was gone, he felt more able to defeat his illness. For his new girlfriend's sake, he was determined to marry her. So he wasn't going to die. He'd accomplished writing his will, got it seen by the lawyer and being calm about it, folded a lot of paper frogs and stars as future birthday gifts. He was going to the jewellery shop Azess with his love to purchase engagement rings. Quality time!

"Thank you, place it over there. I'll make this a bigger rainbow. Hand me the eraser please. Wait." He loved to feel in charge and in control of the situation. Bern colored in the elves. It was gonna be a landscape painting. When they started on this, it seemed to give them a new perspective of the earth. How lovely could nature offer to humans and animals...... mostly Tomo was inspired to sit up longer and as a result was calmer.

Then the artist leaned back, rubbing his temples. They had to stop now. Tomo didn't protest but he allowed Saito and Bow to help him to lie down and much to the girl's disappointment they had to end the painting session today. She'd looked forward so much to speak with him, and today he hadn't even chatted for 30 minutes when he was worn out already.

11


	10. Engagement, painting, critical

**Soulmates 10**

_Engagement_

Saturday. Tomo sat up in his chair, dressed nicely for an outing. The doctor had granted him a week off from the hospital, promise not to do strenuous activities. He wore another shoe. His hair was tidy, shining from a fresh shower. He hadn't showered so often. He missed everyday baths, but couldn't do it as he was fragile after chemotherapy. His Tshirt was new, he wanted to show Kenni his wellness.

They went to the mall. Tomo insisted on walking, not a wheelchair. It was embarrassing to him. So they stopped when he was tired, breathed with difficulty. His hand would be cold which also showed his lethargy. Kenni wanted the swan rings. They were made of silver platinum. She felt the joy burst forth inside as Tomo held her finger and pushed it in. she blinked until he came into focus. The ring fitted perfectly in his finger as well when she helped him put it on his fourth finger.

"Now, we are lovers, almost husband and wife. We'll have a wedding when I'm totally better," he said kissing her lips. Kenni closed her eyes as he came close.

He embraced her. _I'm so glad I can give myself to you_. Memories of how she had always followed him about. "What are you laughing about?" he asked musically.

"Remember how I used to be spoilt. clumsy and you never got impatient with me? You always let me dance on stage when there were no shows. Only when I told you to stop being superstitious."

"Yea….." he wheezed. She led him to a bench, and it stopped. Tomo stroked her hair, said playfully, "You're still clumsy."

"What?? Come again. How dare you!" she pretended to be mad and hit him on the shoulder. They laughed at the silliness.

"You, will always be more clumsy than me. But I guess there isn't any need to worry anymore, you and Saito will handle well without me."

She frowned at this. "We want you to be back onstage when you get well. What's wrong?"

His face had a strange tranquility. He confided, and his fiancee was shocked to hear it, that he would never regain his original strength to perform next time. The doctor warned of future relapses. "I don't want to go to the ICU. I need more rest. I have already written to tell my fans of my retirement. Performance had overstrained my body. I will still write scripts and coach. Don't be sad, after all I'm still here and we'll be together. Let's spend the rest of our days in peace and love."

Kenni wanted to cry more, but hated to upset him. Tomo smiled a small smile, catching her face with his soft fingers. She leaned forward into him and held him tight. "I Love you," he whispered into her ear. His ambers filled up with tears and he stifled his sobs.

_I have to make these sacrifices......... .It's so painful. I suppose it hurts more than I dreamt of. But Kenni needs me. So that's final._ He took a shaky breath and rubbed his tears.

They took a taxi back.

_The Painting_

After tedious efforts by everyone. the painting was finished at last. Three months later. Tomo lay back on the pillows, contented. His sickness had advanced to the fourth stage. He could barely breathe without oxygen aids. They had fixed the tubes to the mask to help. Cancer in his stomach up to the lungs was the sole reason. He looked haggard. His will power wasn't wilted however.

His friends helped him change his sodden clothes. Often they did cooking, cleaning and took turns to accompany him. Tomo got to taste everybody's culinary, of which Kenni still excelled in. It was less strenous to accept their help than to push them away. The tragedy was, he didn't have much longer to live. No one said or mentioned about it, hardly believing it was true. Tomo sempai had gotten better in the beginning of November and stayed at home without relapses. Until the doctors became concerned with his labored breathing. His condition declined again at the end of November. He entered the hospital, having to accept more medicine and an operation. It still did not improve.

Kennex didn't want to talk about it. The artiste was determined to fruitfully use his final days to spend as much time with her as possible. And he prayed more. He didn't stop hoping for a miracle.

Tomo sempai declined interview sessions but could still speak a few minutes with his close friends. One at a time, and they had to disinfect before they came in.

"Bow, come. You must be tired," he said, patting his bed. The man took his hand and smiled.

"Still so concerned about us even now. Tomo, how do you feel? Are you scared?"

The pale lips lifted positively. A dry cough. " Yes I am. But I have to be strong. It's not.... so bad, now. I can concentrate on what I'm doing, lessening much of my previous agony. How are you? Sorry that you see me in such a fallen condition." The hair held by a band constantly shed, the back of his skull was clearer everyday. It had lost its lustre. The eyes were the only light.

Tomo took the bucket and vomitted. After gargling with some water, he gasped, shivering.

"The chemotherapy huh? Rest. C'mon, it's cold? I will get you an extra blanket."

"Heating pads, please." The patient said thanks when the nurse peeled them off and applied to his arms and chest. Bow looked curious. "They help to make warmth. Blankets aren't much use. So is everything ok with your family? Your oniichan and aunt came yesterday. They are so kind. he turned his head to the window I really truly appreciate all of your kindness. I will remember always."

"You mustn't give up. You're gonna be better. The medicine will fight the disease." His friend hugged him, feeling the bones under the shrunken form. Felt his tired heartbeat. " I don't want you to leave me."

_I won't give up. It would be dishonorable to give up when you're all supporting me._ Tomo hugged his friend back weakly. He was usually shy with hugs but now they were very comforting. And more warm. "I promise to fight it with everything I've got. Now let's eat. I can't finish the dessert. Help me?" The patient sat up, gesturing to the food, steamed fish and soft rice. He ate half of it usually, now it was just a few bites.

He told Bow not to be too depressed and go out for a walk more. The scenery was so beautiful. Tomo read the cards they had made and bought for him, touching the words. If only he could hold them forever.......He began to cry, his tears wetting the surface.


	11. The end of November, Crisis looms

Chapter 11

**Author's note:**

**Dedicated to all persevering/industrious artistes in the industry, music, performances, and so on , Without your efforts, there wouldn't be great entertainment to pay tribute to. I have always admired people who can create, muster, and professionally devote themselves to the making of good fictions, music and masterpieces. Here's to all whose dreams are almost disappearing,**

**Don't give up! There will be appreciation for your talents somehow. And do support budding and coming of age writers. **

**Sincerely, Reina S.**

_**Emergency**_

Bernadette stood outside the strange new room, where the nurse said her best friend would be, receiving important treatment. It was a white windowless room. The white figure emerged at last and behind him was Tomo, sleeping on a stretcher. Kenni took his hand as they wheeled him to the elevators.

Her heart ached, to speak with him, not see him ill any longer or dying. Like ages ago, they'd become friends, she'd seen him at a live performance, been to his house, shared many present memories. Too present for this to be happening, too surreal.

How could Tomo-sempai die, when he was just twenty two? He was _way too young_! For the first time Bern was angry at God, why he didn't support his child? She felt bad after a while and prayed for forgiveness, crying.

Meaningless was a bag of sweets and books packed especially for her idol to cheer him up. _If_ she got to see him at all, he might not have the energy to speak or eat.

Recently due to movement from room to room and sessions of isolation for Tomo to recuperate, Bern hardly got through any form of comfort. The closest was seeing him from a glass panel. The patient breathed laboriously through a respiratory system, coughing, in agony most of the time. Bernadette could speak to him with the mike they provided outside but it felt stupidly mechanical. Tomo sempai was always in the greatest agony visibly fighting infections and viruses. Kenni was allowed inside for 5 to 10 minutes because she was a family member. Now, could she go in?

The nurse asked if she was family. _Maybe it won't hurt to not be truthful,_ _you'll understand God_. "I'm his daughter," and proud of this because it was half true, Tomo's wish anyway. Bern braced herself and walked towards the figures at the long end of the room.

Kennex smiled feebly, talked to her fiancé and kissing his cheek, stroked his hand. "He's tired. Don't take too long. Thank you," she turned and said almost curtly.

Tomo blinked, reached for her hand. Bern saw his lips move but no sound came out behind the mask. She shook her head. "Don't talk. You must rest. I couldn't see you for so long. I missed you."

He squeezed her hard, swallowing, jerking his head slightly. The visitor came closer to hear his words. "…..so glad….. it's great to see… you…. Bern. I'm not…. scared… anymore…how are you? "

He stopped to take breath, and released her hand. Then a tranquil, non panicked expression blossomed over his ebony white face.

She comprehended. Tears began anew, and she felt his fingers run through her hair. _I don't want you to go! You're too young. I'm scared now, we all are. You've given up already. Don't, don't!! How can you let us down? You can't! _

The announcement for time's- up ringed out vaguely. Her friend sat up a little and cupped her face in his icy hands. They gazed into each other's eyes. He seemed to console her not to fear his death. But her grief was unbearable and she cried into his shoulder.

Tomo wanted to console his young friend not to cry so much. It would affect her health. But he had hardly any breath left. He chose his words to convey his meaning succinctly,

"I'm sorry… don't cry too much. .... please,"

"You can't die. Not yet!" she choked, sniffling. "I like you so much!"

Then she had to be dragged out, reluctantly. Tomo laid back, weakness spreading through him. He hated to burden anyone, and because of this, many people were crying. He heard that his fans wanted to bust into the hospital to visit him but were denied access. His body protested to the drugs administered, he was allergic. Sustained a heart failure yesterday and had to be admitted into the ICU. He prayed through cracked lips for the pain to stop, for the mental endurance he would require.

Gradually the artist passed into the world beyond, a floating whiteness. Free of pain.

****

****

**_Outside: Chaos and Human effort_**

Alan stopped some of the crazy people trying to fight their way through into the hospital. He announced that the singer needed to sleep and he was not to be disturbed. That didn't move any of them, except spur them on to become more aggressive. So was the press hounding them, pictures flashing into his eyes, mikes pushed into his view, Kenni was angry. She yelled at them to leave her fiancé alone.

"He's going to die ok? Ok?? Are you satisfied? BASTARDS!! " she snarled. Hands flung up and down in dramatic gesture. The fans stopped, started to cry, some were looking on in disbelief. The rest shouted, shoved the nurses and policemen. One youngish girl, perhaps 16, reached out to hug the woman to comfort her. Everyone of every race began to pray. Of course the policemen managed to suppress the riot and formed a human blockade.

Support rendered flowed like a river. The fans of Tomo-sempai raised funds for the medical fees, which were very expensive. The money was gratefully accepted, the medical team was so touched they would have reduced the fees were it not because of the costly medicines and X-rays. Phone calls, cards, letters of empathy and compassion poured into his family. Kenni and Saito marveled at how supportive the human race could be. Sometimes, when all is lost, actually individuals step out to help someone in anguish or poor or lost. It's quite amazing.

There were not supposed to be visitors allowed into the isolation chamber. This meant little or no moral support for the cancer sufferer. However he could see messages of encouragement pressed to the panel. Sometimes the nurse noticed his hand lifting up to wave.

The news, magazines, Internet gave updates everyday about his condition. Some rumours were scary, gossiping about the doubtful recovery. Bernadette was disheartened by their perverted wishes. She couldn't concentrate on her studies. She received his last letter before he became worse. Now she re read it. _How could this be happening?_ It asked her how she was, he would look forward to celebrate the birthday he'd missed, spoke also of having a Christmas reunion. That time, November 1st, was Tomo's better period. Unfortunately she hadn't visited him.

_You must be so hurt, Tomo chan. I'm so sorry…. If I'd known….._

Felicia, her best friend, hugged her and said, "Come on, nothing bad will happen, it's just a trial for him, I saw him perform on November 11, he seemed in the peak of his health then. The last year? He recovered eventually."

"But now is different, Felicia. And we are supposed to be there for each other. I failed, I couldn't, I cried in front of him."

"It's alright. You did the best thing, gal. You were emotional. Tomo sempai must be so touched at your concern. Not to mention everybody's too. He will triumph."

Bernadette held her friend close, grateful she was a more positive character than herself. It was necessary. "Thank you so much."

_**Stranger's welcome**_

"Tomo chan, outside everybody is trying their best to help you. They're raising funds, calling to offer help, see, they sent you some gifts too. The food you can consume when you're better. Don't give up, for me, for everybody who's outside. Please?" Kennex pleaded as she took his little hand and cried. Cold, ice drops trickled down his arm. The patient nodded, smiling. "Then that's good. You can understand me."

He turned his head a bit. Someone had come from behind. A blond haired girl. "Hi," he croaked.

"Hey Tomo. I'm your cousin, I tried to take the first flight out when I heard the news of your worsening condition. The damn flight schedules were mixed up! I know you don't remember me, I don't think you can, at this point." The patient frowned. What cousin? The hair was actually highlighted blond, she spoke to him softly, soothingly, explaining scenes of his previous kindness when he gave her mum an extra performance, even though his schedule was up. He had cheered his aunt up. Even though they barely knew each other.

Her name was…..

"Sarah?" the frown dissipated and the patient seemed more alert.

"Tomo-san, this is, you've got such a lovely girl here," she drawled, noticing the other companion. Tomo smiled in response. She helped him to get another blanket and fluff up the pillows. Somehow he summoned the strength to thank them

On his behalf Sarah related this message. Fans cheered. If he recovered, she'd be able to get together with him. Shame nagged her heart, the reason being the last time they'd lived together, she'd often gotten into fights and drunk. Tomo sempai would reprimand her. How naïve she had been then, just enjoying life. Ignoring the people's needs around her. It was her cousin who was the most affected when she'd run off.

"I am sorry, cousin. Real foolish I had been," she told him in his room. Tomo coughed and shook his head. His hand was like a stick figure, bony. "What is it?"

"I'm happy. At least, before I die, we can reconcile…. I forgive you…. Why didn't… you inform me?"

"I ran to Hilary's place. I hated your nagging. You must get well, you won't die. Come on!" Sarah affirmed, almost annoyed. _When did Hirosaki become so soft, what happened to his fire for life? _"I admired you. Don't let me down."

"It's… not changed… except that…. I.. have… become calmer. Sarah, I'm glad we got to .. talk. You've... matured, I feel.... proud."

She hugged him hard and forced the tears back, hearing his harsh breathing and noticing the falling hair. Regrets................The only thing she'd done was make him more relaxed and sleep better. "Tomo san you'll get better. Don't pretend you didn't hear me k?"

The next day, since his condition stabilized he was transferred to a normal ward. The same room he'd first checked into. Bernadette came in, with his cousin talking away. She'd always been the most extroverted person. Hirosaki missed her when she went missing. "Hey Cousin! You look cool today,"

Tomo smiled weakly and shook their hands, visitors' gloves. He laid his head back and sighed. It was easier to breathe now they'd drained his lungs of the excess fluid. But it wouldn't be permanent.

"Tomo chan, I want to apologize for not coming to visit you when you were better then. I... "

He reached out and pressed her lips. "No, it's ok." His voice a leaf scratching the glass pane, it hurt and made him gasp to talk.

"Anyway did you see the get well cards? My class made one for you too." The singer coughed, taking the big card to have a look. He nodded, showed the thumbs up sign. "We really want to hug you to encourage, but they won't allow us too much contact. Sorry," Sarah added, coming to stand at his shoulder.

Bern looked uncomfortable as the silence stretched. His cousin was the filler of the gaps, Tomo wrote slowly on paper. _I can't speak, damn the treatments. What a difference from the voice I've sustained during long hours of stage plays._

_  
When I am well, we will go out together ok? I promise you. _

_  
In his mind, he thought, 'you don't seem to have faith in me.'_

His soulmate quickly turned away to leave when it was time. Why didn't she turn around to wave goodbye? Hirosaki felt piqued and rang the bell. "Yeah, um, see ya," she seemed cold, abrupt.

_**  
Coma**_

The singer was unable to respire. It was a cold morning. The last nurse on shift hadn't come back from the toilet. He grabbed for the button but couldn't reach it. Blackness swam like a fogginess.

Saito was devastated to hear the news that Tomo had lapsed into semi coma. He rushed immediately on the fastest cab. When he got there, the patient flickered his eyes.

"Tomo, ototo, don't.... don't do this. Hang in there," he whispered hotly, feeling stupid. Who was the older one now? He sank to his knees and sobbed, gripping the smooth white fingers.

"My Onii chan, older brother....... tell... tell them.... I'm sorry...." the parched and bloodless lips uttered. He had hung on.

"NOOOO! Doc Doc come quickly!" Saito shouted, rushing out to the dimly lit hallways. People strolled past like ghosts. The tears gushed forth. For all the times he had taken for granted.

8


	12. Glimpse into another world, then relief

**Reinasinnax**

**Chapter 12**

Kennex rushed into the small room. The patient was huddled beneath the large blankets, propped up. He seemed to be conserving all his remaining energy. He only opened his ambers when she stroked his hot forehead.

"Why are you getting worse? Tomo! Tomo chan." Apparently his body was deteriorating rapidly. On the X ray the diagram showed signs of infection by illness, white patches on the lungs. Doctors ran outside, inside, so did the nurses who administered injections and drips. His skinny arm wore the numerous bruises and had remnants of bloodstains. He jerked his head and whispered.

"She's praying. Hang on. Please don't leave me. We're getting wed!" the woman sobbed uncontrollably. Minutes later Tomo coughed, his body arched upwards, paling considerably. The patient was unable to breathe. Even with help from the large mask. His chest rose and fell quickly. The system went chaotic.

Tears leaked onto the pillows. In loss. Hirosaki felt very very weak and clutched with flagging energy his fiancee's hand.

Tears of sorrow, regret, exhaustion. 'Can't…. be with you… anymore…' didn't know whether he spoke or thought, a marathon down a narrowing tunnel. _Fight, I have to fight. _

The adrenaline pumped on as the racing heart, surgeons, medical staff all strove for the same aim, to keep it beating. To save the singer as he slipped in and out of coma. Tomo was dimly aware of the sweat soaking up his bed, hair, but couldn't ask for assistance. He could see, faintly, people surrounding him, hands moving rapidly, pressing down. The loud and hoarse respiration.

Bernadette came, pressed herself to the glass. Kenni barely stood, supported by a friend, streaks came. She must have cried till no more sound could emit. "Tomo-sempai, do you hear me?"

_**Dreaming**_

_Tomo was light, looked down and saw his body on a bed, sweating and barely able to survive. He floated aimlessly. Suddenly blackness cloaked his vision, he couldn't breathe. Went under and drank it up. He coughed._

_I'm all alone. What of Kennex? He thought, crying again. Faintly he heard their voices. He drifted to them, his fingers went through them instead. _

"_Tomo."_

"_Bernadette?" he smiled, swam towards her. The strokes were very tough, it seemed like he was negotiating thick squishy mud before reaching her. Her hand was big, full of strength. He sat on a white flat platform. He looked around for her, she had vanished._

_She asked him not to give up. Everyone's voices became louder. Tomo lay down feeling dizzy. I can't. I don't want to…. But I am too weak. I am dying. _

"_Get up! Get up, for me." With an effort, the artiste sat up panting and crawled inner, the black eating up the white piece left. Blinding white light surrounded him, like flames. Tomo looked up at a man whose face was unclear, held out a strong arm for him to take.Lift, and support. Tomo laid on his lap. _

_Calmness flowed through. Tomo smiled, very happy. No pain._

The surgeons performed artificial CPR for the patient, his eyes shut, barely breathing. His lips were bloodless, no fresh coat of perspiration dripped down. It was futile. Another staff pressed firmly on the flat ebony chest and blew into his mouth. The lungs inflated slightly, the heart stirred up fainter, and fainter. The lungs went down. Did not revive.

They took out the electric shockers and shocked him. He jerked from the impact.

"_Do you wish to stay, or go home?" _

"_If I go back, my pain will return. I like it here……But I love my wife, and my friends. They will be worried for me." The man smiled, raised him up and helped him to stand up. They walked to a spot where flowers grew, and a scene showed the people outside the room crying. The doctors shook their heads. _

"_I want to return," Tomo was certain now. The cloth came close to covering his still face, about to seal his breathing passage permanently. _

_**Landing**_

Softness, impact. Hirosaki gasped once, pumping his heart up. The machines beeped. Cloth wiped his face. "Color has come back! You're back!" a nurse said incredulously. Tomo took in fresh gulps of air and each one circulated the oxygen so his paleness went away. His lungs inflated.

The nurse took off the mask, found he was breathing independently. "It's a miracle." He must have survived from the CPR skills. Tomo realized that he was naked. He moved his fingers. Cold bit. Someone kind replaced the thick cover over him.

_I saw God?_

"Nurse, … tell them… I am… ok. Don't worry," tiring to speak but Hirosaki knew he must or the people outside would keep crying. The woman nodded, explaining how he fought a losing battle and they were ready to close the cloth on him when he suddenly awoke, 5 hours later.

He slept. When he regained consciousness, she was at his side, asking him if it hurt. Tomo shook his head and tried to get up but failed. He panted. Gently, she pushed him back and Tomo closed his eyes to rest again.

Alan came to the bed and stood looking down on his charge, the color returned to his pale cheeks. "I've sent the others back for some sleep. You naughty thing, keeping us tensed up." The only sound was the soft respiration, oblivious to the man's chiding. The shutters were firmly closed against any disturbance, the long graceful hands folded by his side, right attached to an IV tube, the blankets swathed him on the pallet. Andy cupped his face then trailed down to adjust the blankets higher.

Kennex had blessed him with her kiss earlier, a kiss on his forehead and lips. Tomo hadn't responded except to smile and dive deeper into the next world. "Get well soon, my pal," Alan said and shut the door.

_**Everybody's Thinking?**_

Sarah roused from the deepest sleep she had ever gone into since her cousin became ill. What a refreshment! She smiled remembering the nurse's call: You all needn't worry. I'm awake now. Message from Tomo.

_You survived the cancer, Again!_ Sarah combed out her paled out dyed hair and made a face in the mirror. Maybe it was time she returned to her original brown hair color. After all the color's disappearing once more. Yuck. She ran out after cleaning up and helped herself generously to the fridge's snacks, the sodas_. I didn't know Cousin likes all these junk! Cool for me. _

Saito rubbed his eyes, jumping into full fledged panic as soon as he saw the time. Oh shit what's happened to my brother?? Then he relaxed when Sarah ran in, holding out the carton of orange juice. "Yo, man. I guess you're conscious now. Let's go visit him today! I can't wait. Could you help me dye my hair back?"

The man smiled lazily. Laid back on the pillows. Tomo ototochan, he was gonna be okay. _And he called me brother. Despite how much I was angry he wouldn't admit it, but in the end, he did. Thank you. Thank you so much God. _Aloud, he declined, and received a pounding from the fierce spitfire.

Bernadette sat up, wondering where she was. Then , yeah, she had put up with Bow, he'd offered to drive her here after finding her own house had been empty of people. Her parents again neglected to inform her of another emergency outing.

"Benedict, where is the bathroom?"

"Here, turn right." She washed out her hair, and smiled weakly. Her face had fingermarks from resting hard on her side, her eyes were slightly swollen. It was delicious taking a shower! Smelling of soap the teenager stepped out. She'd tied up her hair, wore her T shirt. Tomo's friend prepared a big breakfast, eggs, bacon, salad, ice cream too.

"Wow you spoil me…."

"It's no problem. We had such a scare yesterday," he affirmed deeply.

"I know. But Tomo san is strong. It just proves it right? He must have heard our prayers."

The big man shrugged, fingering the watch. It had automatically restarted itself when the patient pulled through. It stopped at 2am, during the critical hour. Something larger than them was at work.

"Hello Sir. How are you feeling? I'm Ally. Do you want anything?"

Tomo sat up from the pillows and grinned. "I'm hungry." She told him 'right away'. He changed into his fresh pajamas and scraped back his greasy unwashed hair. After eating he looked forward to a good hot shower. He picked up a magazine to browse, enjoying its contents without fretting for the first time. When the food arrived Tomo ate it, finishing everything. "Ally, thanks so much."

"You're welcome. Since you're stable, I can remove your drip needle. Hang on a sec k?"

Finally his hand was free of needles. He looked closely at the scars adorning the pale skin, feeling the strange emptiness when nothing was attached. The plastic band remained.

"When can I go home?"

"Soon. Your family is coming. Ask someone to come to the counter and you'll be out by the afternoon," the bubbly person replied. She helped him to the bathroom. Hirosaki was able to bathe without supervision, the staff weren't free anyway, and return to his bed.

He slicked back his bangs and toweled dry his hair, feeling the sharp ends flick on his shoulders. The best sensation in weeks! _I can't wait to be discharged! _


	13. Sunshine

Chapter 13

**_Sunshine, 15th December_**

The friends bought some flowers for the patient, which they knew he would love. Bow was worried Tomo hadn't waited, seeing his bed empty. 'Hi guys!" surprised them. He was up and walking, greeting the other sick patients. Looked fresh and excited.

"Wow! What a surprise. I want to go home today, can you sign me out Oniichan?" he implored when he had hugged everybody. Bernadette hung back a little feeling shy. Saito pushed her forward and left the room. Tomo-sempai smiled, holding out his hand.

'He's so tall! And skinny.' "Hi Bern, thanks for coming. I'm better now, come, sit down." He patted the empty space beside him.

"Hey!" a bubbly voice called, a dark head popped out, no one responded. "It's me, Sarah. I dyed my hair back." Kenni walked in and stopped, clasped her handbag close to her. Almond eyes filled with tears and she called the singer's name. She fell into his arms. She told him how worried she felt and that he was a real idiot.

"Kenni, please. Not in front of my fans," he chided, shining despite the slight annoyance he felt. Then he kissed her lips. Bernadette grinned. "Look we're a couple."

"That's great," she replied. Tomo sat down again, feeling tired. He'd not been out of bed for a long time. Bow glanced over, mouthed something. Tomo leaned forward to listen. He laughed. Bow raised his brows and held up both hands in an exaggerated stage act. Most of the people were helpless with mirth.

The patient wanted to pack his stuff but Sarah got everyone to, before he could move. When the last dirty clothes had been zipped into a bag, Saito returned with some forms. Tomo was to sign them before leaving. Shaky handwriting filled the blank, plus the feedback section. The doctor instructed him to return for a checkup in two weeks time. Medicines were confirmed.

Alan was waiting with his new car, a Mercedes. Sarah and Saito held his belongings. He was protesting, he could manage. "No Cousin, you mustn't overstrain. We'll handle it," Sarah led the way. Tomo shook his head, why didn't they allow him to do it himself? Man! Bern took his hand, her grip damp, anxious of his fragility.

In the car, Hirosaki drowsed and struggled to stay awake. "I am so happy. Much of a contrast when I first came here."

"Ought to be! Wei, did you see my new hair?" his cousin bubbled, shoving her face into view. Tomo touched the soft hair and smiled, nodded.

"Why did you make it black?"

"To please ya. You _always_ wanted me to be a true Asian."

Tomo patted Sarah's face cheekily. Bern laughed, leaned against his shoulder. "Tomo chan, will you retire from stage like you said?" the 12 year old girl enquired seriously.

They had eye contact. Tomo smoothed at his hair and observed his nails before forming an answer. "Yes, I will do a last performance. Because I have to conserve my limited energy. Don't want to be ill again."

He continued when his gaze moved to the outside scenery of the trees scrolling past like green and white blurs, "However, I will still do some shows, maybe smaller roles part- time. I want to coach new stars, write and direct more. It is time for a fresh perspective. And start a family."

He frowned when Sarah and Bow guffawed. "Yes! The biggie!"

Tomo glared at his companions warningly and they shushed upon seeing he didn't find it funny.

"Are you unhappy, Bernadette? With my decision?"

"Quite. But I know you can't afford the energy as much as last time. You'll tell all of us?" she responded, looking away. She leaned back against her soulmate and fell asleep.

The ambers fired up. The set of his jaw revealed a sudden strength previously hidden. After a cancer experience, he wasn't as soft or worried as he used to be. 'Yes. When I perform next, I will disclose this. You guys should come backstage,' he thought and laid back.

Bow and Sarah started to unpack the stuff and load the washing machine to wash up the dirty linen. Kennex and Saito were with the actor, making him a temporary bed on the sofa. The house was bright, freshly coated with a new paint of blue and aquamarine green on alternate walls. The old couches were replaced by these softer ones that could be converted into a bed when the patient needed to lie down. Everything messy had vanished, leaving only empty tables and chairs waiting to be sat in.

The actor looked around his living room and nodded. "This is cool. A change…… you made this to welcome me back right? Sugoi."

Kennex sat beside his legs and spread her hands. "Yep! Later go and take a look at the garden and your bedroom. I can't wait." Her fiance took her hand and kissed. She flushed. Tomo laughed softly, his silk smooth raven locks spilling across the cushions, his body language asking for her embrace. The woman felt like weeping again.

"Ooh, romance!" his cousin yelled, jumping in. Dressed in a pink hot top and shorts, the teen pumped her hands into the air and cheered noisily.

"Come here girl. I want to talk to you." He stared at the teen seriously. Kenni left.

"Cous, are you mad at me?" before coming near, Sarah scratched her black hair and asked worriedly.

Tomo sat up and gestured to the colors. "You made the decorations for me right? smiled I'm not angry, why should I be? Thank you. For coming back. Where did you go anyway?"

She had run away to another town to seek shelter. At the time her feelings cascaded crazily and freedom was so important to her. The limits Hirosaki enforced were just too much and Sarah couldn't take it anymore. After staying at several boyfriends' houses, she finally ran again afraid she would be pregnant. Her final and permanent settlement was with a distant aunt Binnow. The lady found her a school and she stayed, becoming a good student again. But with her own taste for fashion colors.

"I see. I'm sorry. I must have been too preoccupied to really sit down and chat with you," he said.

She grinned. "Cool man. No problem now. Come see the bedroom! Plezzzzzz."

The room was beautiful. All the bedsheets had been changed to clean crisp ones, a fragrance of roses touched the senses. Tomo gathered up his hair in a rubber band and tied a top knot, bouncing on the bed. The floor was carpeted, the shelves cleaned. "Um hm, I shall help you to put back all your books. Say hi to your long time no see relatives," she bubbled, taking out the novels and arranging them into the empty slots. "Tomo chan, you're in remission. Don't be ill again, k?"

Her back to him, she sounded grudging. "I don't want,…. I hated seeing you in hospital. I felt like shit."

Tomo promised he would take care of himself. That's why he made the decision to stop performing so much. Sarah smiled back and ran out, calling Kennex to come and make love. He winced at the externalization. He ought to have a word with her.

Over snacks, coke, fruit sodas, yoghurt, chocolate chip and ginger cookies, the couple sat with the teenager. Kennex asked Sarah if she was staying long. "We'll be happy to put you up in our house. Tomo misses your company."

"Yes, but in a month I will go home. I need to continue school. I'll come visit again."

"Please stay. I'll write a letter of excuse. It's been such a long time." Tomo offered her a 7- up. She slurped.

"Don't skip school, don't make a fool out of oneself. A girl must be dignified," she recited playful. Her cousin shook his head and said,

"Let's make an exception. I want to spend time with you. To make up for the lost times. I won't be a nag, I promise!"

For her 17th birthday the man bought her a pair of crystal drop earrings. The day before she was supposed to depart. Sarah squealed and attached them, admired herself in the glass. It matched her straight black and purple highlights, which he chose. And her long black skirt, heels, and spaghetti. The opera artiste wore a long sleeved cotton yellow shirt, grey pants, sported a lower ponytail.

"Thanks!" she squeezed his hand as they walked to a shop selling perfumes, CDs and more. He would miss her bubbly company when she went home, his heart heavy despite the jokes and banter. Time squirmed in a tight fist.

Bow knew this. He suggested phoning the aunt and asking her to let Sarah stay until Tomo was ready.

"But I can't be selfish. She wants to school," he spoke in agony.

"Yes. Up to you." Bow watched as his friend signed on a document and slip it into a file. It concerned a formal agreement on how much payment was due for a performance in Janie's Street. "You're acting in this one, the Journey to the West? As what?"

"Tripitaka. I won't have to dance so much then." He watered the flowerbeds and examined a bud shooting out from the hole. "Come watch. You're free?" His ambers searched Bow's, indecision looming over his brows. A problem was worried at until Tomo stepped on it. The big man took his shoulders.

"Yes. I will come. Talk to Sarah, she understands."

**_20th December_**

After the performance, everyone removed their costumes and makeup. Alan spoke to some of the props managers, directed them to move. The troupe leader chatted with his brother, simultaneously lifted his heavy staff to lean on the corner.

"What shall I do, Oniichan?"

"You will know." He helped Hirosaki remove his lipstick and makeup. Only the mascara was left, wet with perspiration. The actor wiped off the remaining traces with tissue and cloth. When he opened his eyes, Sarah stood hesitantly, in the mirror.

"Hi. What a surprise," he said. The autograph session was the next day, the other group had to rush off for another destination.

Silence except for the buzz of props, packing of costumes and gossip. The man smiled, inviting her to sit.

"Um, why have you been worried? I can take care of myself," Sarah insisted. "You still won't let me go."

"I was not…. I would like you to stay. It will break my heart, we've not spent much time…..Give me a chance," Tomo whispered, looking up at her. She hadn't sat then. He took her shoulders.

"Not your fault. I just needed to ask.. See you." She opened the flap.

" Bie zhou. Ke yi ma?" _Don't leave me, please? Can you_ .

Sarah looked very straightfaced, her lips set firmly. Her hands clenched. Tomo rose too, smoothing out the creases in his bright robe. He moved to change into normal wear, but she asked for a picture.

"I give in."

"What?" the artiste asked, breathless. She kept the photo into her wallet and produced a pen. He left his name on her notebook.

"Let's say my heart has softened a lot since you asked me so many times. I don't wish to make you cry," the teen said wryly. Tomo sniffed, a long finger rubbed his eye corner. He smiled.

"_Xie xie. Wo men qu chi xiao ye_." Thank you. Let's go for supper.


	14. Finale

**Soulmates 14, the finale!**

**In this chapter I have Tomo wearing another kind of mask, painted different colors. I have researched and found green represents evil, jealousy, other than the other colors which he has explained of blue, black and white.**

**

* * *

**

Most of the people attended the final performance given by the greatest artiste of the 21st Century. It was the play of Romeo and Juliet, which Tomo sempai had converted into Chinese opera. He co-wrote it with his manager Alan Thimlake.

The fans were overcome by a tinge of sadness that their idol was going into retirement after this, some shed tears, some rushed forward to present bouquets to him when he sang his part. He acted Mercutio, the cousin who was stabbed by Tybalt. Despite just recovering, he was going to put in all his effort. He bowed as a girl in orange vest held up a small stalk of flowers. She thought he wouldn't accept but he smiled and nodded.

Clasping the multiple flowers, Tomo sempai surveyed everyone. Sweat glistened on the actors' faces. He held up the mike, walked forward carefully avoiding the wires and spoke, "Hello everyone. excited applause Thank you so much, xie xie ni men, for supporting me in this wonderful project. I have been critically ill for the past year, and the doctor has encouraged me not to over exert myself. Hence it will be the last time I will be regularly on stage. Ah, I will write more plays.

" However, I wish to assure you that I'm going to continue acting, though not fulltime. I hope you guys who have been the most appreciative of Chinese opera, continue to come. I shall introduce new and upcoming stars. My main concern is to help the arts continue. It is fast dying out, don't you think?"

He bowed deeply, sweeping the ground with the peacock feathers, gleaming at his best. He wore a green costume, dark trousers, brown boots. His facepaint consisted mostly of green and black stripes at the sides of the cheeks,brows lined with gold. He raised both hands and repeated "Xie xie, arigatou" to the fans below. Roaring applaud and shouts of encore.

Saito touched his shoulder and shook his head. This performance had already taxed a lot of energy. Tomo understood, no longer angry with his oniichan's over protectiveness.

* * *

Bernadette and Sarah were backstage, chatting. Tomo came in after the speech, removing the crown. He sat down, wetting a rag to clean his face. "You were great Tomo-sempai! I'm proud of you," Bern exclaimed, stroking his shiny locks. He smiled tiredly.

"You've got a good view from here? How is it?" He started to remove the fingernail extensions. He had to cut his nails when he was sick.

"So Hot! how can you stand the heat here," Sarah complained, fanning herself.

"We manage all right. What do you expect, aircon?" Saito said passing by and pushing a prop to the side. Sarah scowled while the others laughed. He muttered about the young generations of cool offices and comfort. "You're exhausted aren't you? We'd better get you home," the big man said after he had finished. The young man pulled a comb through his tresses and re-secured a tail.

"Not really. I think the others want an autograph right?" They set up tables for each artiste to sign autographs, crowd controllers bade the people to queue up and wait for their turn.

* * *

Hirosaki had been a guest star at one of the hottest magazines. At first he declined interviews, but he agreed because they wanted him to put in encouragement for terminal cancer patients.

Bern touched the cover with her friend on it, smiling his public smile and dressed in a dark blue chinese shirt, crossed his legs. "You are so natural. How do you pose like that?"

He leaned back, closing his eyes. "um, through the camera's instructions. I'm beat. Really, I cannot imagine performing so hard like I used to again."

"How did you survive? Tomo," she asked, sitting beside him and feeling his breath on her head.

He nodded slowly. Regarded her with gentle amber eyes, full of rapture.

"I couldn't have, without seeing Kennex again. This ring, you could say, strengthened me. Thank you for your prayers. It helped a lot. fingered his cross" He omitted his unusual encounter and just grinned when his friend held his hand with her smaller one.

My beautiful soulmate. "So, Bern now I am not so busy, I can write more letters to you. Isn't that cool? Ah come have dinner with us sometime. Christmas dinner."

"Ok. You missed your birthday. I got you a pen holder." She had wrapped it in cellophane, ribbons. The wooden hand carved holder was cylindrical, teddy bears and dragons decorating it. The picture of Fantasy Land had been framed and put up near the stairs. Tomo began to load the pen holder with his stuff.

"Very nice looking. Also, useful. Thanks. Hey come upstairs. I want to show you my room." She knew it was a sign Tomo wanted to rest. He laid down and slept on his side. A big willow tree stood outside. She sighed, el contento. I was afraid i wouldn't see you again. I'm so happy you're still alive and healthy.

**_Quiet times_**

After a checkup confirming his remission, Tomo settled down to dinner with his best friend. In the restaurant, Hirosaki didn't mind when a young waiter rushed for a pen and asked him to sign. He merely requested a low profile. Many stares but few actually harassed the actor. It was due to his publicity on the papers.

He didn't mind chatting with the waiter.

As quoted from Entertainment weekly, Tomo said, "Being an artiste requires constant improvement. Not an instant hit or shoot to success, no, it's never about that." He had fired Touga san when the latter showed off. Tomo was furious, to him a perfectionist, how could arrogance come first? Especially when he hadn't acted for 10 years!

Bern chewed her chicken. "How do you come up with the right words?"

"I'm an actor. It comes naturally, of course I am nervous. I won't do it too often, Bern. You have to... express yourself bit by bit."

He was excited to watch a movie. A long time since he'd treated himself to a movie. When the show began Tomo lay back and got caught up in the plot like everyone else. An ordinary person, free of stress and pain at last.

_**Curtain falls**_


End file.
